t.A.T.u. (Tatu for anybody too lazy to type that shit out) is a Russian pop group composed of two underage chicks who were forced into lesbianism by their pedo manager.
THe girls are named Лена (Lena) and Юлия (Julia or Yulia, Russians have no real sound for "J". They're known for kissing each other during performances of the song "All the Things She Said" (Я Сошла С Ума). Their album, 200 по встречной, gives most a raging hard on when they hear the scream НАС НЕ ДОГОНЯТ!
There is a prevalent theory that Tatu are actually escaped experiments from Bjork's robotic lesbian factory.
By pretending to be in love they earned millions of dollars across the globe from stupid 16 year old girls who thought they were 'totally brave for coming out like that' and many an 80 year old Chinese man in panties. The girls from Tatu are about as lesbian as Furries are sane, logical thinking people. That said, even with their new image as "man-eating heterosexuals" they still manage to come off as gayer than Skittles, probably to maintain that 80 year old Chinese man/14-year-old girl fanbase.
Now that they are no longer underage, nobody gives a shit about them. It was later revealed that Julia got pregnant twice when she was supposedly a lesbian but her abusively lulzy ex-manager forced her to have an abortion.
Then one summer, Lena's priest told her that making out with Yulia was actually a bit gay. Despite being every paedophile's dream girl, Lena had no idea that sucking face with Yulia, grabbing her breasts, and having sex with her in hotel rooms was in the least bit gay. Determined to "hetero up", Lena started singing with the ugliest, most mannish woman she could find so she would never want pussy again. Rina Rok had a steamy affair with Ivan Shapovalov, who was disgusted to learn that Rina was not only an adult, but also a man. When she tried to apologize to Yulia, Lena found that her old girlfriend was not only pregnant, but bald as well. Lena had to either stay with the transexual who slept with her manager, or get back together with her pregnant lesbian girlfriend.
Yulia then became a hooker (the legal kind this time) who would sleep with guys, then randomly remembered that she was gay and shot them in the head. After making an extremely crap album and popping out a kid, Yulia got knocked up a second time and did a photoshoot for sick Maxim-reading perverts who like to see pregnant gay girls take it all off.
To add further pwnage to Julia's miserable life, she is not able to sing anymore (not that she could anyway) because her sick fuck ex-manager made her deep throat too much and it destroyed her throat. Her contract was so terrible that she couldn't receive medical care and she now has a huge ugly scar on her neck because of it.
After deciding that God wasn't too happy about Lena getting hot Yulia action every night, they decided to change their image to pseudo-psychological bullshittery. Their "concept album" known as "Dangerous and Moving" trails the experience of two NOT lesbians whining about their long dramatic breakup...and the moral disability of everyone around them. Currently, they are working on some movie with Mischa Barton in it. Mischa Barton is best known for being on a diet that allows her to only gain weight in her feet. This movie is bound to be extremely gay, and not in the good way.
Not content with annoying the world with their outdated and full of fail music, TaTy released a third album called 'Waste Managmeent' and 'Upravleniye Otbrosami' (the name is in direct correlation with the fact Interscope Music INC and Universal Music International cancelled TaTy's contract because of the unwanted attractions of Pedobear). The new English album was the soundtrack to the film You & I (see 'The Straight Era' above) and contains songs about Little People, Snow, Abortion and Electricity, all of which are illegal in Russia, thus giving them more controversy. For this Album, Lena Katina an Julia Volkover stripped their duds and went naked in their video for Beliy Plashik (White Robe), where as Lena was HAWT and much fapping occurred, Yulia was pregnant, thus only attracting the attention of weirdos and pervs.
Their second single was 220, a song about suicide and death, but don't worry kids, it's "t.A.T.u's most colourful video to date and something quite special!". In the video, our favourite russian whores dance around in their duds and hats to music that sounds like a dentist drill going though your urethra. The whores also attempt to dance in this video, by doing so, they make Michael Jackson look like the shit.
So since they wasted so much time putting off the release of the underwhelming 'Garbage Disposal' CD, they decided it was time to produce something called 'Happy Smiles,' as yet another example of their pseudo-psychological bullshit. One of their songs is about being a fly on the wall and wanting to buzz around somebody's shower while they're naked. This is further proof that they need teh gay to not have teh fail.
But That's Not All...
The new album was finished in late 2007 and was to be released on December 25th 2007, but management realised their fuck up and postponed the release date tille Santa's Birthday was over. Many fans on TaTy's fan forum were merciful and forgave the management, loss of lulz. So managment decided to release the album at the end of June only to postpone it again, only this time, the preteens and pedos on the forum weren't so forgiving. Criticism of the how managements ran the show ensued (and still is going on, Trolling vacancies for tatu.ru's forum avaliable!), giving Boris Rensky, Zhenya and Insider much butthurt.
To add lulz to the emo state tatu.ru is in, management have seemingly forgot their Administration password and cannot update the site with news on the singing hags, EPIC lulz. This Iron Curtain on the TaTy news has caused many fans to go emo and die because site admin haven't told them about how Julia shat herself on the train to Moscow or when Lena was caught puking her dinner in the bushes off Red Square.
The forum is currently full of confused weeaboos and n00b trolls. Some fans have been so dramatic as to announce they are leaving the site because they are tired of the way management is fucking with them and only want them for their money, only to resurface under a new log-in name. If you decide to troll the forum, be sure to check out the "Name the t.A.T.u. stuff you own" topic, where major fapping/drama over the weeaboos huge collection of preteen fake lesbian music and posters occurs.
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