How long? in Hopefully not the end

I wish I hadn’t woken up, my dreams have been so much kinder than reality. All I feel when I’m awake is sadness, loneliness, and the fear that it’ll never end. One of my friends told me that I can’t talk to her for a long time. I know he’s right but I have to try so hard to hold myself back, even if it was just asking her how she’s been or what she’s been up to. I just keep looking for ways to occupy myself but she’s still in the back of my mind. I’m still trying to hold on to the hope she gave me that we can be together again. Two nights ago I had a dream that she wanted to get back together, I forgot that dream. Last night I dreamt that we were together almost like a continuation of the first dream. After I realized that I was asleep I tried to stay for as long as possible, it had to end eventually. I awoke with the disappointment of life and what it meant to live another day with out her. This is the most difficult part I guess, isn’t it, but for how long?