My friend visited me tonight. Lets call her E.
E is 29 years old. Last year both of her parents were diagnosed with life-threatening illnesses. Seven weeks ago, her father passed away unexpectedly with complications (in his lungs), and last week, her mum passed away, also unexpectedly, from cancer that had spread to her stomach, bowel and liver. Both parents were both 55 years old.
E is so young to deal with this. She has a brother locally, so that's good. In essence though, my friend has never actually 'been alone'! Even now, she's drifting from house to house, couch-hopping and living from her car boot, as her own home is filled with ghosts she doesn't want to face. Luckily she has a lot of good friends, so I guess we will all be running around with pillows and duvets for a while whilst she manages to sell her parents' house and find a place to live that is a little less cluttered in the Memory Department. Poor E.
The transformation in her, practically overnight, is tangible! She's crossed the line from being an overgrown teenager, to an adult, with real concerns and worries. I do however, believe she will be ok. It feels wrong to say it, but after the last few months of having both illnesses hang over her head like two heavy boulders, I wonder if there is some (dare I say it) relief somewhere buried amongst the shock. Nobody wants their parents to die, and to have both taken away within seven weeks of each other is absolutely tragic... but after months of worrying and fearing what the future might hold... now that the worst has happened, maybe there is very little left that can hurt her. Once you're down you're down and the only way is up! Right?
I am eternally grateful that my folks are still around, soldiering on..
I found an engraved plaque on the internet recently, which I'd like to source in another format for my kitchen wall... (I'd like it in a huge peel-off sticky adhesive italic kind of thing). It say's 'There is always, always, always something to be thankful for'.
Since I saw this, it is on my mind *every *day. There is always something to be thankful for. If its not immediately evident, then we have to search for it until we know what it is, and we can focus on that instead of focussing on that that makes us feel uneasy or sad.
That is where I am. I am thankful for a lot of things. I'm dissatisfied with some things, even unhappy, but then I look for the things I am thankful for...
Every night, as I cuddle my daughter at bedtime, we take it in turns to list our 'top three things of the day'. Sometimes we list out top things we are thankful for. Usually we just take time to acknowledge the simple joys... A favourite meal, a programme on TV that has made us laugh, someone saying something nice to us, and always, always, always, the hugs and snuggles that are free-flowing in our house.
Its late. Seeya later. Nel
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