Love in a hopeless place in Love & War

  • Nov. 14, 2018, 11:02 p.m.
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  • Public

Three days ago you told me that you suffer from depression.
Three days ago you also broke up with me, telling me that you’re not good enough for me, that I deserve to be with someone with a “clean slate,” and that you don’t have the courage to face my parents’ disapproval.
So many things started to make sense in that moment, and over the past three days I was strapped in tight to become an unwilling passenger on this terrible out-of-control emotional roller coaster.
I’ve been doing as much research as possible on depression and how I can best support you because I need to know what I’m up against. Subconsciously, I also wanted to be better informed because I knew I had a decision to make: do I stay and we fight together, or do I leave you to battle this thing alone?
It’d been three days since I saw you, but you finally came over today. I told you I’m not giving up on you because regardless of what you think, you’re still the only one I want to be with. I know you’re worried about my family and what they’ll say, but this darkness you’re battling is much bigger than all of us combined, and I want to be there for you when nobody else bothered to stay. You deserve at least that much for making me so happy these last few months.
Right before I left on my week-long vacation, we had an argument and you said you would pack up your things and move out, but when I came back you hadn’t done much moving at all. You still haven’t. Sure, you come back once in a while to drop off laundry and pick up fresh clothes, but why wouldn’t you just take everything with you to your house instead of inconveniencing yourself and making an extra stop at my place? As long as you use this as an excuse to come see me, I’m not going to complain. I’ll be what you need whenever you need it because I love you, and this is how I love. I love you with no conditions, no excuses, no pretense, and this is the only time I can freely say this. Even when you don’t reply to my text messages, I still like to send you encouraging notes of love just to let you know that I’m thinking about you and that you are worth it. I know that you read them and that gives me hope.
I don’t know if this is right or wrong, but it feels 1000% right to me and that’s all I care about at this point. I’m not done fighting for this love that I’ve found with you because I’ve never felt this with anyone else, and I want to show you that I’m willing to stay.
You asked me to give you some space and I’ll give it to you, but please come back to me. That’s my only request for you. Just come back.


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