Listening to iTunes in The Rest of 2018

My days feel like they are a blur. I feel so alone, but not in a lonely way. In a way that feels alien and not normal. I start my mornings smoking weed. It’s been about 3 + weeks nows of consistently doing this. It’s weird, because I’m college educated. I KNOW about addiction, I knew about it before I took my first drink. I also knew that I was predisposed to it. I was a child who always prided myself on the fact that I would never become an addict. Maybe I’m not an addict. I can hold down a job, I have relationships, I excel at school. Nevertheless something still feels off. Something feels missing in my life. Marijuana and alcohol are the only things that calm me down, tame the boring feelings I get on a daily basis. Let me tell you this though, marijuana and alcohol for me are the cure for loneliness. I become so engrossed in new things or whatever it is that is currently holding my attention that I forget that I’m alone and that I’ve been alone for the last 25 years of my life.

Last updated November 14, 2018