I have decided to go ahead with a relatively minor (but still major to me) operation (if it can even be called that) to basically cauterize some of the endometriosis on my internal female parts. I've had a similar procedure done a couple years ago but this one uses a different technique. Apparently insurance will cover it and there's almost no recovery and it's very non-invasive, so I don't see a reason not to have it done.
I'm going to make the appointment tomorrow (I'm writing this on what feels like Sunday to me but I know PB hasn't added a change date feature, so pretend it's Sunday). I also need to figure out how to pay my second premium... the online option needed an invoice number (which I don't have) and I haven't received anything in the mail or by email except my permanent insurance card. So I'll need to figure that out as well.
My brother Nate was supposed to bring his girls over today (Julie will be 3 in May, Maggie will be 1 in June), so we spent all day waiting around and then making supper only to have him call at 5:30 (2 and a half hours after we expected him), canceling the visit. It was annoying but whatever.
Cori has a job now ! He's having car problems, so that's... frustrating and inconvenient. He just bought this car, and yes it's old, but he's literally had it for less than 2 weeks and has to have it towed. :( So his job orientation is tomorrow and instead of driving to the place, he has to take a bus and it's in a suburb, so he needs to wake up over an hour earlier than he'd intended. Anyway, the job is being a PCA in a group home, something he's done before a few years ago. He's not making as much as he'd hoped, but he needs something until he goes to grad school.
He told me that he was shortlisted on the acceptance list for a school in Washington State. He claims that is his safety school, but I am still crossing my fingers (even praying) for him to get into University of Cincinnati. I'm from Ohio, I still have friends both in Cincy and nearby Dayton, I'm familiar with Columbus, and my cousin and her family are in Cleveland (still a few hours' drive but it may be nice to visit despite me being annoyed by her older son lol). The cost of living is much lower, it's a cool city that I may not want to spend my life in but I wouldn't mind living there for awhile, I have a lot of people who can offer me advice (Amanda and Melanie lived there). Catie, one of my high school friends near Dayton, has already offered to house me for awhile beforehand if I'd like to try to find a job (which unfortunately will probably be retail, but a job is a job). Cori tells me that UC will pay for a year of his grad school tuition, and possibly give him a scholarship on top of that for the work he did for McNair Scholars in Minneapolis. That will come in handy so he doesn't need to pay out-of-state tuition (theoretically). Also, it's much warmer. He hates the cold. I hate the heat, but again... I'm used to it. I've actually never lived in cold climates.
He could also come out to University of Maryland College Park or U of M Baltimore County. If he came to CP, I wouldn't have to move and then he would have a lifeline with me and my parents. I'd probably still try to move if it was feasible, though. If he goes to Baltimore, Glynnis is there and said if I ever moved there, she would definitely live with me. Glynnis is a little flighty but she wouldn't put a person in a bad spot. Actually I kind of want to talk to her because she moved to Baltimore to go to school and her situation wasn't much better than my own. She moved before having a job, her parents encouraged her to stay at home... now, Glynnis had to stop going to school but... she's working on her bachelors. At the very least, I was able to live at home while going to school and I have my BA.
Also, I had considered going to grad school myself at UC. They have a ton of online Masters programs, but if I'm living there I could actually go to physical classes ! Melanie is finishing her Masters online from UC after going there for her Bachelors.
My parents agree that Cincinnati is probably the best bet, too. Mom is excited that she can visit and we can take a weekend trip back to Beavercreek and do things we did in high school. I would be near to Amanda and Catie, friends I've had since 6th grade and still friends with despite living 500 miles away from them since 2005.
I told Cori a couple days ago that I feel I am getting too excited about this... because if something were to happen where I can't move to where he is, or ideally Cincinnati, I might lose all drive I have in life. He reassured me, as he often does, going to the extremes and finding a way out of it. He even went so far as to say, "Rachel, I'm going to get you out of Virginia." And it was the first time he really said something that suggested this was his goal too. I mean, we obviously have the same goal but it's mostly been me waiting for him to know where he's going to go, then I'll follow. But this time he affirmed to me that he wants to help me be with him, too.
I told mom I realize this will be a risk but I haven't taken risks in my life. Some things have happened to me that change my perspective on life and I don't want to let another opportunity pass me by. It'll probably be hard and tiring and we may be scraping by for a lot of it... but I love him, I want to be with him, I want to take a risk with him... and this is the first step towards that.
It may still be a month or two until he finds out where he is accepted. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if you pray or anything equivalent to that, please pray he gets into University of Cincinnati, and that's where he chooses to go (if not Maryland). I am already imagining it and hoping it will happen. This needs to happen for both of us. I've been so depressed for so long and this is the light of my life... he's the light of my life. I'm happier when I'm with him and talking to him and doing things with him. Even if I'm not actually happy, just knowing he's with me or cares about me or wants to talk to me keeps me going. He takes an interest in my life and keeps up with my doctor's appointments and asks me about details even when he doesn't have to.
He deserves the best life has to offer, and he has yet to see a lot of it. He's not used to people worrying or caring about him, but I worry and care about him. I just want to be with him, more than anything. And so... I'm hoping and praying for Cincinnati.
~Rachel
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