First time in My life and place to vent and rant

Today I masturbated, got great sleep after my over night shift, did the healthy thing and ate a salad, tackled homework with my 5 year old, got laundry done, and felt content. My bf whom I unfortunately do not get along with very much - asked me what my plans were for Saturday and I replied that I would most likely have a girls night at a friends mothers house and wondered why he’d asked… his reply of course was “o nothing, nevermind,it’s nothing “while walking away. I became easily frustrated- why can’t he just talk to me like a normal partner/friend/adult would? He finally expressed he only asked because he volunteered for overtime and wanted to make sure we had no plans. I said no,but reminded him I still want to go to a haunted house together Friday night. He then proceeded to complain/ask if I plan on going out every week.. and argue that I have been going out every week for he past few months/weeks/whatever. I disagree bc I know I have spent my days off with him plenty of times… but me disagreeing automatically equates to me being a LIAR… I’m not sure how it escalated more and more but I was then called a sloppy drunk whore.. and then accused of kissing a man at the bar- and he tried to trick me into believing or agreeing I did by saying my best friend told him that I did. I know I never kissed any man at the bar so of course I denied it.. all in all the argument never ended and he proceeded to block me out when I would talk to him before having to rush out the door to go to my overnight job. We proceeded to argue through text on my train ride after I noticed he made a post on social media saying “send nudes” .. how mature is that; and embarrassing?!! I became short of breath and started to tear up. I am more than someone to be sexual with, I am worth more than just a vagina or lips. I have feelings, needs, kindness, understanding. I don’t even feel sexual anymore, I have lost my desire. It seems like I am just viewed as his sexual property and he is only preoccupied with whether or not I am giving his property away. I’m tired of being expected to be perfect or accused of “acting so innocent” I don’t act anything. I may have thoughts or make comments but at the end of the day I am loyal. I am tired of setting this horrible example of a relationship for my children. I’m tired of being that girl that always preaches to the choir about how tired and upset I am. No one truly knows what it’s like until they are in this position- to be mentally stuck with someone and for some reason you don’t have the courage to let go of them. You know it’s bad for your health you mind your body and soul and still feel too weak to be without them. You fear for your future- will u be able to provide for for your children? Will you have anyone to babysit? Can you do it on your own? Will he embarrass you in your apartment complex or at work? Will he be spiteful on purpose? It’s all too much to think about and sometimes settling is enough for now to keep your anxieties at bay.