Really feeling crabby right now. Had second chemo last Wed., so it's to be expected. Honestly, I'm glad there is chemotherapy, but I hate how I feel right now.
Megan has been here all week to help me out and my parents. Mom was hospitalized for six days - just got home this past Tues. evening. She had developed colitis from radiation treatment to shrink the painful tumor in her pelvis. She sees her oncologist this coming Tues. and they will have to decide whether it's safe or warranted to continue the monthly chemotherapy or what.....
Mom was ready to give up more than once when in the hospital. The delirium at night was horrendous at times. She had diarrhea so often, and it was often bloody, that they put a commode next to her bed. She was up and down, up and down, with an IV in her neck because she'd torn it out of her arm and they couldn't get it back in either arm.....
Ugh. I was so glad when Megan decided to fly out here from NYC a week ago. It's been so wonderful having her here this week. She saw my parents more than me, as I'm not up to par, and for a few days they suspected my mom may have a C Diff infection, and I'd already been exposed, but still.....I was in need of a break from driving to and from, believe me. I went through a whole tank of gas in just a few days.
My brother will fly in from MN on Tues., but he is still recovering from his broken ribs via the snowmobile accident he had six weeks ago. We are all falling apart.
My dad is a major crabass right now. Don't blame him, but he's somewhat narcissistic which doesn't help when others are not well, and then he's not well either.....His needs aren't getting taken care of. I can't help them the way I once could. And they wouldn't let me help them get into assisted living, so here we are......
Ugh. I am really venting today. This feels good. In my cactusflowerinbloom.com blog, I don't vent like this. I have to be more upbeat and positive, because so many family members and friends are reading it, and potentially people I work with - a couple doctors even. So I have to use this forum as my venting right now......I have to......and if it gets too bad I'll make it private.....
Megan and me are going out to dinner tonight with her mother-in-law and sister-in-law, both of whom live close by. I should get to be better friends with the MIL I guess. We'll see. My bestie Sue is moving back to MN in 2 wks because she lost her job down here, still has a husband working full time up there, and her oldest daughter is having her first baby in March. Can't blame her for going back, and not that she really wants to, but at this point her family needs her.
This will leave me to rely on people I haven't had to rely much on, and it'll look obvious that now that Sue is gone I need other friends. I should have spent more time developing other friendships, I guess, but who had time? I was spending most of my time at that insane job that I now have to consider going back to! Ugh!
And that's the last thing I'll whine about for now.....I am probably going back to work part time in the very near future. I cannot handle that stressful job anymore. I need to talk to my medical director and executive director and see what we can do. The clinic has basically imploded with me gone, and I'm not saying it wouldn't have even if I was still there, but I would have kept things under better control, certainly. This was the worst January even for health insurance changes, and then we're short staffed on top of it and NOW THE COMPANY HAS IMPOSED ANOTHER HIRING FREEZE! I have two open positions and only 20 support staff for over 90 physicians? How does this EVER make sense???
Ugh!!!
Loading comments...