Facebook memories in 2018: The Adventure into Motherhood

Facebook memories are a bittersweet thing. It reminded me of last year at my SIL birthday party. I had been talking to my husbands family friends while having dinner about the fact that I was pretty sure that I wasn’t going to get to have children. We had just been served with papers to increase the child support AGAIN. and I wasn’t sure how we were going to afford the house payments and all that. (I would get a $2 raise the next week that helped us manage)
Little did I know, I was already pregnant. Funny how life happens. His baby mama was so mad the I was pregnant. She knew her golden uterus was no more. Especially when we had a boy. See that’s always been her claim. She had the namesake boy. My BIL only had girls. Well now that’s not true anymore.
Taking this paycut is making me SUPER nervous. SUPER nervous. I don’t want to lose our house. My Husband promises me we won’t. We really need his brother to just pay the dang money and buy out our portion of the parents house. He says he will buy us out in the next year. Hopefully. I know my sister in law is looking for work so they can take out the loan to buy us out. It will be about 90K before taxes. Which will help us on house payments until I can move up with the state.
Debating on continuing counseling. I have been going for years. Haven’t really done much with it. I am trying but its REALLY hard for me. She offered after hours, and my step dad agreed to meet me there with E, so I wouldn’t miss more time with him. I love that little boy so much, I hate being away from him. I know I need to work on identifying my feelings, and I think it helps having E with me. Reminding me why I am putting myself through this. I don’t want him to have the same childhood I had. Granted there will be things I will never understand how my mother came up with and would NEVER submit my child to that.