I think I've become too attached... in My life in a nutshell

So on another note, my friend B from the last entry is asking for help. He wants help and wants to keep his sobriety and he wants to be alive! I am so extremely happy to be able to say that… And it all started with me talking him thru the night when he thought it would just be better to OD and die.. I never in my life imagined that I could have that type of affect on anyone! I am so blessed beyond measures that this man has decided to confide in me and ask me to get him help.

He is quickly becoming my best friend. It’s sort of crazy.. He is a friends ex (well shes more of an acquaintance) and she did everything she could to make me afraid of him. Told all kinds of lies (yes there is proof she lied), and just down right refused to tell me any kind of good about this man that took care of her and raised her 3 kids as his own for 5 years… The more evil she spoke about him it pulled me in to wanting to know him more.. wanting to know the real B.

Lets go back a little bit lol. He use to work at the store down the road from my job. The 1st time I saw him (before this I NEVER knew what he looked like) I just knew that was the B she had been telling me about. I instantly connected with him. I had to know more about him. I had to figure out why she so badly for whatever reason wanted me to be afraid of him. In that first moment I knew in my heart (before he showed me ANYTHING) that he was not the man that she had made him out to be. He is one of the most kind, patient people I have ever met in my entire life.

He has gone so far as to make sure he could see me when I was badly depressed and just needed to get out of my house and I needed someone. He was there… I’ve become completely enamored with him. I know that is bad because of both his situation and mine but I feel like I have known this man forever. I feel invincible when I am with him. And I feel as if time stops around us and I never want it to end… Never in my life have I ever craved to hear someones voice or presence as I do his. After I left from seeing him when I was talking him down he sent me a fairly lengthy text. This is what it said:

You can only have access to that answer by seeing it as I do........... Words sometimes cannot describe the most beautiful of things and would be an insult to you if I even tried to.
So its safe to say YOU have been added to my reasoning ideology as to why I stay my hands from ending that which is my life madam.
And that has me perplexed beyond what I can even rationalize.
And that has NEVER happened to me......EVER.
There was something left in life which actually surprised me.

I am beyond amazed by this mans strength and how he has handled things in the last 24 to 48 hours. He, even in his darkest hours, made sure that I knew he appreciated me and what I do for him. Is it wrong to say that there is something inside me that just wishes I met him before who I am with? I would be lying if I said I hadn’t imagined some things. Wrong I know but nothing has happened other than me hugging him when he needed it most. He has officially become my person. The one whom I want to share my day with.. The one that I want to call when I have anything happen and I want to share it.. I don’t understand in how such a little amount of time I went from being just his friend to wanting to know everything about him including but not limited to the good the bad and the ugly. He is such an amazing man and I truly hope that he continues down this path of sobriety and getting the help that he needs to understand he is worth something to people. Especially me.. He is such an intelligent and beautiful soul and I just hope and pray with everything in me that he has the strength to continue on … He is far too beautiful as a person to let the world lose such an amazing person as him… I can’t say I know how he feels but to an extent I do understand. I understand what it’s like to feel so alone and broken and want to just end it all because I too have been in that position..

I love him guys.. So much more than I care to admit to anyone. The thought of losing him when he called and said he needed me was like a shit ton of bricks just landing on my chest.. On my way to him I cried.. I cried because I honestly thought I was going to get there and he was already going to be gone and he wanted me to be the one to find him.. I thought that I had lost my best friend… I was not prepared to walk in there and find him laid out… But he wasn’t.. He had everything ready and he was going to do it but he called me like he promised he would. I think this is all I can write for now.. I will make another entry later if anything else comes to mind.. Or I will just edit this one. Thanks for reading if you got this far…

Last updated August 11, 2018