Confession in General feelings on things

So after 5 years of sobriety I drank. For a couple months. It’s been almost a year now since I’ve had a drink. And I havent told a soul about it. I want to confess. I want to go back to meetings and stop this crazy obsessing in my head. I fear if I do he will kick me out. I told him I wanted to go back to meetings. I “quit” going last June. He told me I could go back as long as the house is clean before I leave for each meeting. Who the fuck am I Cinderella? This coming from the guy who is only home while his kids are awake 2 days a week and has no idea the work i put into this house or raising our children. He backs me into a corner everytime when it comes to meetings. Either they arent at the right time, the house isnt clean enough, I didn’t give him enough notice, or they arent “quality” meetings. Yet he can goto meetings almost daily whenever and wherever he chooses without even asking if I’m going to pick up the slack. I’m so fucking miserable and I have no one left. It’s just me, him, and my children. I stopped drinking when I came back home after our breakup last year to do right by them and because we’ve always had a deal if one of us drinks the other takes the kids and leaves. I’m so fucked right now. They says we can get sober kids or no kids but they also say for us to drink is to die. I will happily die for my children. Mostly I hold it together for them but the moment I’m away from them at work, or late at night when they’re asleep I lose my mind. I just dont know what to do anymore. Sometimes I hate him so much i cant breathe and others i just appreciate the fact that I’m not out on the street. I dont know how much longer i can keep this up but i also dont know if i really have a choice. I tried to leave him for good last summer and got absolutely no where. No one would rent to me because of my bad credit past and my unstable income. I’m trying to get through school now to change that but I’m still years away. I just feel absolutely fucked.