The Sarlacc Pit Regurgitated Me in General Mental Anesthesia

“*There’s a place I dwell, with the absence of light
A land of stone, and woe.

I come here to think, and reflect
And… to be alone.

The humility is; I forever am without
And with no one do I show.

Yet here I am, upon a precipice
With echo my only hope.*”

• Excerpt from one of my poems.

So.... I have some news… This cough that I’ve had for over 3 months and have seen several doctors about, but it had continued to worsen and eventually became bronchitis bordering on pneumonia… Well, not only is it that, but other things have happened this week.

I posted about waking up coughing and had a moment of confusion and disorientation. My tongue was hanging out of my mouth and I couldn’t put it back in. During this time, I fell and hurt my back.

This back pain was above and beyond what I normally deal with especially while coughing. I have a generalized back pain in the mid to upper part of my back, both left and right side (now, I have a very high threshold for pain, so if I say my pain is a 4, to most people that might be a 7) This pain is a constant “5” 24/7 but I’m also experiencing a pain in the center of my spine that is “10”. It happens when I cough or go in and out of bed or a car etc… I literally scream out in pain.

I also finished the z-pack 3 days ago, but was still coughing up yellow phlegm, and some blood, so I figured that because I have a severely compromised immune system and this intense back pain that I needed to be looked at again and needed more medication which meant I had to go back to the ER.

So I did, only this time, they did additional tests, head CT scan, chest CT scan w/ contrast, more x-rays etc..

Anyone that follows me on here knows I don’t do IV’s well. Meaning that I have collapsed veins due to chronic ulcerative colitis attacks, internal bleeding and dehydration due to being sick so often. My veins also roll, pinch up and are deep, so getting an IV is particularly painful and a long process. If you don’t believe me, allow me to show you. This was in the ER this past Friday.

They finally got an IV in me after a few more tries and after switching arms. They had to use this area because of the contrast I needed for the chest ct scan.

and the chest CT scan showed blood clots in both lungs.

Now, I’m hospitalized dealing with that. :(

I ‘might’ go home tomorrow or… idk where I’ll go (if you’ve been reading my recent entries) but I may get released tomorrow barring them finding anything else.

The ER here was great, but after admission… I hate this place!

1. After being diagnosed with blood clots in both lungs, they never addressed the severe pain in my spine. Last I checked, I don’t have a lung there, but something is wrong. And I haven’t been given any pain killers at all.

2. Speaking of pain killers. I had a headache on Friday night, I asked for some Advil and the nurse said she’d contact the dr. to get me some Motrin. It took 6 hours to get 2 Motrin. That didn’t even get rid of the headache, so the next day (overnight) maybe 2am, I asked for some more Motrin or something stronger. I was given the same answer… hours go by, no meds, I ask again, hours go by, no meds. The headache is becoming a migraine, I ask again… long story short, it took 16 hours to get 2 more Motrin. I mean wtf?? Am I not in the hospital to feel better; Instead I suffered needlessly all day. Btw… I still have the headache.

3. My room ac doesn’t work very well. It’s about 76 degrees in my room, it’s hell. I’m hot, sticky, I’ve slept maybe an hour in the last 3 days what with all the interruptions, countless blood draws and a crazy woman screaming non-stop two doors down. There are 15 empty rooms on my floor (I’m in ICU) but they won’t move me, plus they said all the rooms are the same. I’ve been using ice packs to keep cool and they just brought me a small fan. Ugh…

4. The catering here sucks. Normally, I’m given a menu, call up and order a meal, but here, they just randomly send you food. No one checks dietary needs or allergies, so you get sent food you either don’t like or can’t eat. Now, I was given a number to call where I could tell them what I want and they might be able to make it. So this morning at 7:30am, I called to get get breakfast, they didn’t have anything I wanted so I just got pancakes, coffee and oj. Ninety minutes later a tray comes up with oatmeal and bs… I refused it and called back, reordered. My food never arrived and once 11:30 came, I called and canceled my non-existent breakfast and my mom brought me lunch.

5. When I arrived in ICU, I was told I couldn’t take a shower, so I used the deodorant that they give you in that little basket. 45 minutes later, I break out in hives under both armpits and down my arms and chest. All they gave me was some lotion to put on which did nothing for the severe itch. It faded after several hours. The follow day, Saturday after being given a blood thinner I once again broke out in hives. This time on my right wrist area.

But then it spread to my left arm, then my legs, ankles, neck… So maybe it wasn’t the deodorant? No one seems to know the cause or if it’s an allergy or what, but it took half a day of suffering until I finally got some Benadryl. (Which btw… didn’t really work).

(I was just given the blood thinner xeralto and a baclafan (muscle relaxer for my back).

In regards to the blood clots in my lungs, I know that it’s life threatening, but that doesn’t concern me, here’s what does though:

All the blood work, they’ve already moved my IV because it kept leaking. My bed sheets eventually looked like I killed the Kool-aid man.

Then after they moved it… that one leaked for a few hours.

But the worst (aside from the video above) is when they had to draw blood from an artery, not a vein and that was done on the inside of my left wrist… IT FUCKING HURT!!!

Oh and guess what? They couldn’t find a frigging artery either and eventually gave up. Overnight at like 5am, they did it again in my right wrist…

Another concern is my inability to pay for whatever blood thinner they prescribe me. Blood thinners don’t dissolve the clot, but they can stop it from getting bigger and keep new ones from forming. That gives your body time to break up the clot.

So I was told that the body after about 6 months of blood thinners naturally heals or dissolves blood clots. Of course, I have chronic ulcerative colitis, I’m currently bleeding because of that; uc is an autoimmune disease and the Prednisone I’m on is an immune suppressant. Even if this leads to the cough finally going away and I can get off the Prednisone and start the Humira… Humira is an immune suppressant. My body doesn’t heal very well. I have a bruise on my belly from a heparin shot that I got in January 2017!!! It still hasn’t healed! So yeah… that’s a concern.

I just found out that the the blood thinner I need to take “xeralto” costs (with a coupon) $450/month!!! There’s no way in G-D’s green earth I can afford that. I can’t work, I’m between residences, I don’t even have a home right now… I’m in a lot of trouble. :(

The icing on the cake: Dr. told me that I need to use an electric shaver because of the risk of cutting myself with a straight blade (and yeah, that happens). But ask any guy, a decent electric is VERY expensive! Well over $100 and as high as $200+. If you get one under $100, the quality isn’t there, the foil cracks and you need to replace it more often and they still nick you from time to time. About 4 years ago, I bought one for $80 and the foil chipped a year later, once that happens it’ll cut you if you try to use it. Six months later it stopped working altogether, a waste of money. Like I can afford this on top of everything!

ADDENDUM: I’m out of the hospital, not sure where I’ll be sleeping tonight (or my mom for that matter). My back, (I’m sure the blood clots are painful and are causing me pain; I certainly feel pressure in my lungs (and I have for about 6 months). If you go through my entries, you’ll find one or two when I describe similar pain / discomfort, that may have been a blood clot. But the pain in my back that is absolutely destroying my life is centered in my spine, I need an MRI asap, but the hospital I was in didn’t have that capability. Most places won’t give you one if you don’t have insurance anyhow. This pain is beyond excruciating!

I sneezed this morning, and just before I started to have an anxiety attack because I knew it was going hurt… that was a tremendous understatement! After the sneeze, the pain was earth shattering!!! I screamed, I couldn’t breathe for about a minute, panic sunk in, asthma attack… I was crying, bent over on the floor, wheezing… THIS IS 100% UNLIVABLE PAIN.

My GoFundMe Link

If anyone knows how to help me spread the word of my gfm link above, shares to friends and social media accounts or if you know of a reputable company that promotes such a thing, I could really use the help.

Additionally, if you know of any other charitable organizations or websites like gfm where people help those less fortunate whom are unable to work due to illness / injury in paying for Dr. Visits, procedures, medications and/or living expenses… That would be a lifesaver (literally).

Thank you so much!

If you need to speak with me privately or at length on the matter, please feel free to leave a private msg and we’ll exchange info.

Last updated August 07, 2018