My Life in the Sarlacc Pit in General Mental Anesthesia

being slowly digested over 1000 years.

I’m tired of posting entries like this, you know… talking about health and things that don’t interest me, nor you. I want to be entertaining like I was back in the good ol’ days on OD. Life has just changed so much since then and I am fully consumed by it like being swallowed by the sarlacc pit from Return of the Jedi.

I took the following pic maybe 10 years ago, but it’s relevant today as I have to pinch every penny I come across. I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, well yeah, you’re Jewish” and while that’s true, I’m not a Dr. or Lawyer so there!

I don’t think I mentioned this in a previous post, but a week ago, I may have had a tia (transient ischemic attack) or mini stroke according to the ER Dr that I saw when I was rushed to the hospital mentioned in a recent entry.

I was at home last week and I had a coughing spasm during which I had a moment of confusion and disorientation. I was cognizant, but it was weird. My tongue was hanging out, and I couldn’t put it back in my mouth. That episode lasted about 2 minutes.

It happened again two days into our stay here at this airbnb. I had a coughing spasm and I had to get up (colitis attack) in the middle of the night. As I did, I felt extremely confused and disoriented, I might have fallen, but wasn’t sure… I just barely made it to the bathroom! My left side was hurting, but I didn’t know what if anything had happened. I couldn’t turn to see anything and I was so exhausted.

The next day, everything was just worse and my back was hurting beyond belief!!! I could barely walk at all. I had no choice but to go to the ER here in an entirely new state as you guys have previously read and saw the bruise that the fall I did in fact take caused. They never looked into my back pain btw…

Now, when I cough, I really and (loudly) cry out in pain… something is very wrong with my mid/upper back, specifically on my spine; it’s hard to explain, but omg it hurts!!! It’s immeasurable and beyond words! I’ve even had to take my shirt off and bite it to muffle my screams because I’m in someone else’s house. I’ve had a many episodes where I cough and my back pain in that instant is a 10! It immediately causes a panic attack which triggers an asthma attack because I can’t breathe, yet I can’t control the urgent need to cough. One single cough is earth shattering!!! I have generalized upper back pain, that might be a 5 and that’s 24/7 and is more on the right side (mid to upper back) but also left. Idk… something is majorly fucked up in my back above and beyond the damage that’s there. Pain like this shouldn’t exist if a limb isn’t hanging off.

Can you believe this was me? Probably at my healthiest, and heck yeah that’s my Darth Vader T-shirt!

I want to be the person that helps others (as I was before all of this) not the person that needs help. I know it happens to everyone at some point, but this is so depressing.

For those whom can help me get this Gofundme page out in the world so others can hopefully donate to it.

Speaking of the airbnb… the beds are harder than the wooden floors they are on. The host (who is a nice guy) is limiting our use of the ac because in his own words: “It’s small and old and he doesn’t want it to blow”. Ok, that was never mentioned in the airbnb page, it’s also 90 something degrees out, humid and he keeps the windows open (except in the bedrooms) so the entire house is hot and muggy which of course makes it difficult for me to breathe. Thank G-D he’s letting me turn it on at night so I can’t sleep on this horrible bed!

(Which, as you can imagine isn’t helping my back any…)

The blanket on my bed is ripped in more than one place btw… there’s also no tv, no microwave, no coffee maker… need I go on?

I’ll be honest with all of you, you’ve heard me mention that I have a very high threshold for pain, and this is true, but considering how much pain I’m in… it’s unfathomable to me, that I hurt so much. I usually grin and bear it; I sprain my ankle, I never use crutches, I limp, ice it and walk it off over time. This, however… it’s indescribable and flabbergasting.

It bothers me mentally just how much physical agony I’m in. I feel like such a complainer and that’s not who I am. I’m verbally moaning and yelling “Ow!!!” all the time. If my body and mind can’t handle this....

I don’t know what it’ll take. I don’t want to be drugged up, nor do I want suggestions of cbd oil etc… I understand it’s possible benefits, but I truly have a hatred and pure disdain for that stuff; (I can’t get into why, so please don’t ask, but know and respect that I have very valid reasons) plus, it’s just not me, so although I appreciate it when people mention this or that because it tells me you care and that means everything to me, some things are just off the table. Well… that is, anyhow. I know that I can’t afford to go to a pain management clinic or a place to receive physical therapy, acupuncture or whatever else that might be an effective solution for pain, but I just want all of this to end.

Right now, I’ll deal with the pain and suffering, I don’t even care anymore as long as I can get past this cough, start the Humira, and get well enough to see and hopefully afford the trip(s) to Dr. Mackey to treat my colitis at which point I’ll deal with everything else.... barring any other complications - gallstones, back injuries/pain, low oxygen in my blood, tia’s etc…

Honestly, I’m just out of words. :/

So I’ll leave you with the one cool thing in my life right now… my bedtime view at the airbnb. This gothic mirror with the finish on it fading and scantily covered feathers of what I assume was a sickly peacock lazily dangling in front of it while being dimly lit by a red desk lamp bedside.

Last updated August 05, 2018