When Will It Be My Time? (September 22, 2013) in Old OD Entries

I have heard that you are in control of your own happiness. I don't feel like that is true.

There are many contributing factors to whether you will be happy or not. There is only so much that you can control. You can't control the actions of others. Sometimes the people that you love make mistakes and decisions that affect you in the worst way. Sometimes those decisions affect other people that you love.

How are you supposed to control your happiness then? Why do you have to hold onto the burden of it all? Why do you have to feel like it is your fault that this is happening to you? Why do you have to feel that sickening guilt?

A better question is why are you the only one who feels anything for the situation? Why are you the only one who cares!

Here is the argument...It is your choice to care. You can choose to care or say fuck you and live your life. But can you really choose not to care? I have tried not to care. It takes so much energy to try to feel nothing.

I always ask myself when it will be my time to be happy. What do I have to do to be happy? Do I even know what will make me happy?

When will people change?

Life really isn't fair. What a morbid fact.