Exams and Flirting Fails (September 18, 2013) in Old OD Entries

Well I have a lot to do this weekend.

All of my first exams are next week...ugh. I am just not looking forward to the long hours of studying. Actually, I am not worried about my tests to be honest. I am pretty sure that I will do well on all of them...except my history one.

History has never been my cup of tea. I think it's just so tedious. I don't give a shit about Louis the 14th. I don't give a fuck about the Ottoman empire. People say that you need to know your history to know your future. Bullshit. I don't see any point in my life where knowing facts about this crap will help me. I am going to school to be a fucking Psychiatrist. I don't need this shit. I mean I feel like I have an obligation to care about history, but you know what I don't. There is the truth man. Fuck it I don't care.

My professor tries to make it interesting and I appreciate that but yea that doesn't help me. I seriously have been catching myself falling asleep! I never fall asleep in class...ever. The class isn't even early. It's at 11 a.m. and let me tell you when I get in there I'm not tired at all...she starts talking and I'm immediately bored. I have never been so bored with a class in my life. Just sad.

Another sad thing I have to mention...I am really attempting to try to get rid of my awkwardness. Okay let me explain this. I already mentioned my interest in this guy in my class. Here is my problem...I am terrible at determining whether a person is flirting with me. Here is the fucked up thing...I can understand when other people are being flirted with way before that other person even knew they were interested in that person. I hate that about myself. WHY!!

I seriously can't determine if this guy is just being nice and friendly or flirty. I ask my roommates but I swear they are just as useless. They seem to think that he is interested, but I swear I think that they are just saying that so I will be comfortable enough to make a move. That is a definite with me...I don't ask someone out unless I know deep in my soul that they will for certain 1,000 times say yes. They know that about me. Bitches.

Anyway yea I am just trying to figure out how to flirt with him...this is a sad fact...I am an 18 going to be a 19 year old girl and I don't know how to flirt. I mean in my mind for some odd reason I believe that if I'm making jokes and making them laugh I'm flirting. Fuck I don't know how to execute this flirting that you speak of.

My roommates tell me to just ask him out. I mean besides my fear of rejection I am worried about the fact that I have only known this guy for about three weeks. I mean can you ask someone out after that short of time?

See the fact that I am asking these questions should tell you something. Okay I am just laughing at myself as I am writing this down. Just writing this down so people can just read about me sounding like a pathetic 13 year old girl. I wouldn't be surprised if you have rolled your eyes at least 20 times while you have read this. Ha.

The point is I don't want him to think I'm a weirdo for wanting to go on a date with him after only three weeks of interaction. But then again I mean isn't that the point of a date? To get to know the other person? Yes I believe so.

Ugh, why can't I be secure enough with myself to just go up to him and be like: "Hi (insert name here), I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime. You're a funny, interesting guy and I'd like to get to know you better."

See how easy that sounds? Ugh damn me and my insecurities. All well. I will hopefully grow some balls and just do it.

Anyway, other than the terrible attempts at flirting I have been doing well. My classes are going well and my stress level is limited. My sister has not been calling me about my mother anymore. I don't really want to hear it anyway. I already know how that conversation would go.

I can honestly say life is going pretty well for me. It's a nice change.