Summer Updates (August 24, 2013) in Old OD Entries

Hello again everyone. It has been a while.

There is a lot to talk about I suppose. It is going to be hard to describe a whole summer in one entry but I suppose I can just give you the main points.

Well lets get the family and friend issues out of the way.

During the summer I already mentioned that I was living with my sister. That did not go over well with my mother at all. She ignored me completely. Never bothered to call or visit me. I got to the point where I knew I was doing what was right for me by not living with her. I realized that my mother truly is a selfish person. What kind of parent lets pride get in the way of showing love and support to their child? Apparently my mother. She hated my sister so much that she decided to hate me too because I associated with her and didn't care that she didn't like it.

I didn't see her once over the summer. I saw my little sister Lea though and she told me all the horrible things that my mother said about me and my sister Andrea on a regular basis. To be honest I didn't care. For the first time in my life I was doing what was good for me and not what was good for my mother.

Since I saw Lea on a regular basis she had news about what was going on at home. My mother resorted back to drinking. Lea told me that it happened the day after I decided to leave. She told me that my mother cries often and mostly keeps to herself in her bedroom maybe giving a little rant every now and then.

When I heard this news it depressed me for a while. To be honest I felt guilty. I was angry at myself for feeling that way. I mean why should I feel guilty? She was the one drinking herself into a coma and not caring about anyone...those are her choices not mine. I know why I feel guilty...I just wish I wasn't...it hurts too much.

My relationship with her is very bitter. It will continue to be that way for a while...I don't know if it will ever be fixed.

In addition to my mother I also had problems with my best friend Kate. This may take a while to explain.

A couple of months ago Kate went on a date and it went fairly well. Of course I got all the details and I was very happy for her. She hadn't had a boyfriend for quite some time and it was nice to see her so happy. When I came back from school I expected her to be eager to spend time with me. I mean come on, we hadn't seen each other in months. I was wrong. I mean she texted me and said she loved and missed me, but when it came down to it she was not making the effort to see me. If I wanted to see her I had to compete with her boyfriend for attention. I didn't want to do that. Why should I waste my time trying to spend time with someone who obviously doesn't even take the time to say hi anymore. We actually fought a few times over it and awful things were said. She seemed to think that I was jealous and that I should be happy for her. I told her that I was happy for her and pointed out that she only had time for Ryan now. She just didn't understand where I was coming from and I guess I didn't understand her. When we did hang out one day she told me that she and Ryan were talking about getting married. She knows how I feel about the whole marriage thing. So as soon as I started to protest she just ignored me. It is not just the fact that she wants to marry him that bothers me...it is the fact that she is revolving her whole life around Ryan. She planned to go to college this year but I guess she changed her mind. She wants to be a wife and mother...nothing more. She said it would make her happy to be with Ryan forever. Kate is a naive, hopeless romantic. I love her and I want to protect her from the wrong choices, so I told her all the things that could go wrong with the situation. Like they could divorce and she would not have the education to get a good job in order to support herself and her children. She would be filled with regrets and all that junk. She just yelled at me and told me she knew that. She said that she deserved to be happy for once in her life and Ryan makes her happy so yes he will be part of her life. I just explained to her her potential to do great things. I mean she is so intelligent and friendly. I just don't want her to regret her choices later. I want her tothrive in life and have everything she deserves.I guess I wouldn't be so mad about the situation if she was going to college to better herself, but sadly she isn't. She is going to be the perfect 1950's housewife that she has always wanted to be. I will never understand that tradition... women having kids and taking care of them and their husband...making that their whole life. Not having anything else to themselves. Maybe that is my problem. I hate the idea of that life so much that I try to talk Kate out of it because, in my opinion, it is horrid. To her it is heaven. I don't really know what to do or say. It is her life to live I suppose. The thing that makes me the most depressed is that I didn't expect Kate to just leave me behind. Kate and I have been inseparable since the 8th grade. We shared everything. Our secrets, our dreams, our goals in life. I love her like a sister.Now she is gone. To be honest...if it weren't for her support and understanding over the years I would have killed myself a long time ago. She accepted all my faults and dealt with me treating her like shit when I was angry at the world and my existence.

I have not talked to her in three months. The realization that our friendship was really over was a couple of weeks ago when I was with my friend Laine at Wal-mart. Laine and I were walking to the check-out area and I saw Kate. She said hello to Laine, but she completely ignored me. She was with Ryan of course. It hurt like hell and pissed me off. I am bitter to the whole situation now.

I will have to move on I guess...Kate has.

Anyway, I believe I already explained my working situation. Well the job actually got better as time went on. I got used to the job and I was less tired when I got home and the body pains went away. I actually made a couple of friends there and they made the tedious job I had to do go by much faster.

I quit the job about a week ago because I had to come back to school. My friends were sad to see me go, but I told them I would be back next summer. My boss is a very nice man and promised me a position when I came back. I was actually a little sad to leave, but I have my studies to get to.

Well yesterday I said goodbye to everyone again and I moved into my apartment. It is really nice and I believe that I will be very happy here. Classes start on Monday and I am really excited for the new year.

I hope for the best.