Kiss The Demons Out Of My Mind... in Chapter 9 : Oil Above Water

The void is unrelenting. Obviously. It produces this dull, lingering ache that loiters in the middle me yet there’s nothing I can do or take to stop it.
I’m caught in this ridiculous crossroads of piss poor mental health and trying to be a semi-functional adult human. In my infinite wisdom I’ve kind of met someone that might be worth pursuing. We’ll call her Nora. She ticks various boxes and she doesn’t blend in to my usual “type” that I seem to somehow wind up with - petite, blonde, blue eyes. Instead she’s a similar height and brunette. She’s a doctor; psychologist to be precise. So part of me is wholeheartedly confused at what the hell she sees in me, and part of me is terrified that she’ll see the state of me internally and bolt. Despite the fear, the anxiety and all the other internal bollocks, we have a first date arranged.

Fake it til you make it, right?