The first sex entry. in Perfectly Imperfect Me

Aside from a shitty evening that I barely count from last spring, I have been celibate for 3 years, 2 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days. Yes, I am counting, since it's also the last time I kissed the love of my life and watched him walk away...
Anyways, I am not known for my abstinence. When I'm in a relationship, I expect to get laid several times a day, or as much as feasible with a young child around. When I'm not in a relationship, I have no problem with Friends With Benefits, because I am not one to go without. The last time I had any notable dry spell was after I left my daughter's father eleven years ago. He had been physically, mentally, and sexually abusive to me, and I couldn't handle even talking about anything relating to sex let alone participating. It took me about a year and a half to get back in the swing, and there hasn't been another huge gap since. Then along comes a man I called my soulmate. There are many twists and turns to the story that I'm not going to go into now, but I have never been so in-tune with another person in my life. And to say we were amazing together in the bedroom is an understatement. And when he abruptly ended our relationship, he took a part of me I don't think I will ever get back. I have spent the last 3 years wanting nothing to do with anyone of the opposite sex. At one point I was overwhelmed by my physical needs, and had probably the worst sex of my life, and then cried about it for what seemed like hours. Since then I have done everything in my power to push men away, no matter how badly my body craves them. I can handle the daily sessions with myself, but I can't handle being intimate with someone I have no feelings for, and my mind is too focused on what I lost and what it did to me to want to try again. I never thought there would be a day where I'd resent having such a high libido, but sometimes I feel like it's ripping me apart from the inside out. The hormones want what they want, but I am just too broken to give in...