It has been over 5 months since we split, but yet it feels like just yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, the tears have stopped, the gut wrenching pains have stopped, but that moment continues to play in my head, over and over again.
2 months shy of 8 years together, and this is how it ends? You didn’t fight for me the way I fought for you, for the past year and a half. You just pushed and pushed until I no longer got back up and I just walked away. Finding out that you would talk to someone else for hours at end, and you wouldn’t talk to me for more than 5 minutes, hurt the most. I can’t say I didn’t see the end coming, because I saw it come and go before it even hit reality.
I don’t know how for the past 5 months we have still either sent a text or sent a meme at least once a week. Today marks the longest we have gone so far without a single text since the breakup, and it’s only been 1 week. What is wrong with me? Allowing you to still talk to me when it bests suits you. I can’t do it anymore, because it still hurts so much.
Last week we had a few different days where we actually had conversations that were more than a few texts, and the scary part was I found myself smiling and laughing. Those conversations made me happy, but then I found myself lost in my own dreams. Dreaming of what we were, what I still want, of a future next to you. These dreams that are no longer a reality, and once my balloon deflated and my feet hit the ground, reality struck hard. I can’t talk to you anymore, we can’t be friends. Not right now.
I hope this helps me cope with being alone for now, but I can’t deny what is real, and this is no longer real. I hope you find that happiness you were looking for.
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