I miss my mom I really do. I miss being at home and sleeping in my own bed, and eating home cooked meals, and I miss having a close friend to talk to when I have a problem. I live four hours away from home and it really sucks.
I have made friends with my roommates but its not the same as with my friends at home. My roommates are very friendly but they are not here most of the time. And they don't enjoy the same things as I do and they usually don't get my humor so I feel like I have to tone it down when I am around them. They just don't get me. I am usually in my room studying or reading. So I am feeling alone. I just wish I could find someone to connect with as a friend. I feel like it is work to make new friends. No one ever talks to you they are in their own world with their own friends and I guess aren't up for making new ones. I really don't mean to whine but I don't like being alone. I am human so I have a natural drive to be social.
I feel empty sometimes...like a piece of me is missing. I don't really know how to describe it. I am getting depressed because it has been a month here and the situation hasn't changed.
After my parents got divorced when I was eight my mother moved me and my sister around a lot. I would have to go to a new school and just sit there and be judged by everyone's eyes. Mostly I was ignored. That is how I feel now... just ignored. I feel like I am going through the motions and not getting enjoyment out of anything. I will get some good news here and there but in the end it doesn't really change my mood. After the whole excitement of being here died down I just feel like college is too hyped up.
I have to constantly remind myself not to be so negative. I am so hard on myself, the other day when I got a bad grade I cried. Yea I know its pathetic but somehow when I fail I feel like I have failed my mother.
Sometimes I wish I could change that about me. I worry too much and I don't know how to relax when it comes to certain things. School and grades are so important to me I killed myself in high school working on my honors and AP classes. It got so bad that I lost weight because I skipped meals to study. I at least had people to endure the pain with when I was in high school. Now... I don't have anyone.
I feel like I am being really emotional over nothing. But most people don't understand that for some people (like me) it is hard to make friends because you are so different from other people. Not that being different is bad. I think I have a good personality and I like the person that I am, and the types of people I meet are great. It's just hard to find them.
Well I guess I am done wallowing in self-pity. I have hope that my situation changes. Bye everyone.
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