If you have not heard Carrie Underwood’s new song “Cry Pretty” or seen her ACM performance of it, get out the tissues and click ‘play’ on the video above and on the ACM video here: “Cry Pretty”
Though we all will disagree with her on two things – A. we know she is the exception, that she cries pretty and B. She has always shown her beautiful, humble heart to the world – the song compels us to look inside our hearts and unite together through our trials. Leave it to Carrie Underwood to turn an idea, that sounds like something the abusive father in her song “Blown Away” would have said to his daughter, into an empowering anthem for women – that’s already encouraging even men to not hide their vulnerability. With a sucker-punch combination of lyrics, that are about as real as you can get, and out-of-this-world vocals, “Cry Pretty” is filled with meaning and emotion from every angle. She uses her experience – reminiscent of Patsy Cline – with life’s trials to tell a story straight from her heart through every nuance of every note. With the God-given talent she has, she is blessed with the ability to pull off a feat that, before her, probably only Pasty could do, and that is to literally cry the notes without physically crying.
I’m sorry, but I’m just a girl
Not usually the kind to show my heart to the world
I’m pretty good at keeping it together
I hold my composure, for worse or for better
So I apologize if you don’t like what you see
But sometimes my emotions get the best of me
And falling apart is as human as it gets
You can’t hide it, you can’t fight what the truth is
In the first verse, you can hear – yes, hear – the tears in her voice, as she purposefully grasps each note so tightly, that you know it echoes the idea of her barely hanging on. I have never heard a purposeful vocal cry so convincing and real in my entire life. At the end of the first verse, she vocally and lyrically transitions from the cry of an apologetic girl to one who is ready to stand her ground and let the world know that allowing those tears to flow is as “human as it gets”; it is at that moment when you realize she is about to take you on a life-lesson learning adventure and share with you the wisdom she has been granted.
You can pretty lie and say it’s okay
You can pretty smile and just walk away
Pretty much fake your way through anything
But you can’t cry pretty
Oh no, you can’t dress it up in lace or rhinestones
It don’t matter if you’re in a crowd or home all alone
Yeah, it’s all the same when you’re looking in the mirror
A picture of pain, so let it flow like a river
You can pretty lie and say it’s okay
You can pretty smile and just walk away
Pretty much fake your way through anything
But you can’t cry pretty
You can’t turn off the flood when the dam breaks
When all your mascara is going to waste
When things get ugly, you just gotta face
That you can’t cry pretty
And as for those out-of-this-world vocals throughout the rest of the song…
There is only one “criticism” I have: everytime I hear the “Sound of Music Live” falsetto near the end, I am silently begging Carrie to keep it going, because the angelic note continues on in my head.
With the blogs I have written, you will notice that I featured music in all of them. It should not be a surprise that each one has been a Carrie tune so far, because while she may have a song for practically any situation, her music captures the soul like none other; it is one of the innumerable traits she has that make her artistry so unique and inspirational. When writing a blog, I often pour my thoughts out quoting and highlighting music, because that is what feels most natural to me. Music is a part of who I am, and the family ties to country music and the Opry’s history itself speak to why it is in my heart. It endures as my earthly survival, Carrie’s inspiration most of all, and is almost always what sparks the storyteller fire to my fingers.
I felt called to compose this blog because of the media and critics who refuse to acknowledge one of the main themes of “Cry Pretty” – finding healing through the acceptance and sharing of our emotions and vulnerabilities. Though I have no confirmation of when the song was written, the themes certainly tie into the recent, disheartening exploitation of Carrie’s injury by the media. I want all of us to really delve into why this is happening and what we can do to change it. I want us to examine our hearts and see if they are in the right place. We may not cry pretty on the outside, but do our hearts cry pretty?
”Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put perverse lips far from you.”
- Proverbs 4:23-24 (NKJV)
With regards to that exploitation, I would like readers to step back, remove the rose-colored glasses, and be open to looking at the situation through a different lens. If reading aloud helps, try that, too.
For those who have rudely insinuated disbelief about her injuries, stair falls are one of the most common types of falls, possibly number one. A little less than a month prior to her accident, I had a similar fall, in that I missed steps and landed face down on concrete. I was very blessed to not have broken any bones or have injuries that required a hospital visit, because the way I fell could have easily broken my leg, hip, arm, wrist, or bones in my face. That has not been my only notable battle with stairs, either. Last year, awhile before that incident, if the person beside me had not caught me, I would have busted my head open, or worse, on concrete steps. Several years ago, I discovered that even escalators hate me, as again, a freak fall should have injured me significantly worse than it did. During my childhood, I had a crazy stair fall that, to this day, I am still shocked did not land me in the hospital, but I was blessed to not have had any major injuries from it.
In all of those cases, it was only God’s protection that kept me from serious injuries. Of course, there have been multiple minor or close call stair falls in my life, but those have been the most memorable ones. The point is, we all have wars with stairs, and a number of people, like myself, maybe more often than others. But none of us are immune to them; they are salted in the winter to prevent ice as a means of common sense. They are an extra level of evil, in my opinion.
In one of the new interviews with Carrie, the DJ disclosed that she had shown him an earlier photo of the injuries, and it was “that bad”. While I would have preferred for it to be said in a more gentle way, I fully understand why he did it. He wanted to defend her by assuring the disbelievers that the extent of her injury was not minor, as a way to not understate it; therefore, expressing empathy for her trauma and healing process – and encouraging others to show her the same support. I greatly respect him for standing up for Carrie and the truth.
Sadly, though, disbelief of her injury extent is not even the worst conduct that has erupted with this current media exploitation.
Please do not overlook the terms “exploit/exploitation”, in this connotation, simply because you have heard it a million times. Let the definition sink in:
– to take advantage of (a person, situation, etc), esp. unethically or unjustly for one’s own ends
– to utilize, esp. for profit; to make use of selfishly; to use or manipulate to one’s advantage
Keep in mind that our faces are how we are physically recognized by others; hence, it is the outer feature we try hardest to protect and are the most sensitive about. I am sure that you all remember how it was in middle school or high school – a single acne bump would cause you to think your life is over. One single bump would make you worry what people thought of you, even as a person. ONE. And in truth, a lot of women still feel like that as an adult, due to our culture’s misguided focus on outward appearance.
Now, recalling your “life-ending” acne and braces days, soften your heart to the idea of someone, whose career is in an industry that overemphasizes physical appearance, recovering from an injury that is substantially worse than the annoyances of acne and braces – and having that recovery exploited to the world. Instead of worrying whether scars are visible or not, pray for (and be grateful for) her healing, encourage her through sharing your own recovery story, and uplift her spirit. Encourage, not discourage. Do the same for anyone going through a trying time.
One person’s journey does not negate the journey of another. We all have our own stories, healing process, and journey. We were created with the ability to have unlimited compassion; there is room in our hearts, if we allow it to be used, to convey compassion to all. People going through more difficult times than us is not a new concept, nor does it detract from our individual suffering. Those who do mission work in foreign countries do not return home and have no compassion for others, just because they have seen another level of poverty – they have MORE, since the amount of suffering they witnessed not only sky-rocketed their gratitude for life’s blessings, big and small, but also softened their heart and opened their eyes to new perspectives.
If the media is bound and determined to write a story about every tweet or photo that Carrie posts, which is a whole other issue itself, the story should not be a sick mystery game about what half of her face has been “revealed”, it should be about the bravery she is exuding, to take steps toward getting comfortable being in front of a camera again and gaining that self-confidence back – how doing so is empowering to women. I read a comment on Carrie’s Instagram last night from a lady who had a fall that left her with a few of the same injuries, facial included, as Carrie; she referenced she has still not been able to get to the place where she can put herself out there and said that Carrie is strong, tough, and an inspiration by baring her vulnerability.
Think about people in your life who have gone through trials that have made it an obstacle to be out in public. What about your own trials? Imagine what it is like for someone who has over eight million Twitter followers, plus millions more seeing her on magazines and following her career in other ways. But wait – you cannot imagine it. Because you have not lived it. You have not lived in her shoes, where your trials and fears in life are exploited by the media, through internet, television, and harsh critics, to the world.
The next time you have an injury that requires stitches, have someone take a photo after the procedure. And, if it is not already, what if the injury was to your face? Visualize the bruising and swelling. How would you feel if that picture was posted all over the internet, with people saying cruel things in their responses, and on the cover of magazines in the store?
I have had my fair share of stitches and still have the scars from them, and those were just minor. I do not want to even think about the type of overwhelming fears, insecurities, emotions, and healing process struggles from having not only serious facial injuries, but having all of those things exploited over every kind of media. It is one thing to have a challenging injury to heal from in private, but it is a whole other level to experience that exploitation of it. You do not have to live in fear that, when you go to the grocery store, someone will take a photo of your facial injury and publicize it to the world, especially before you are comfortable being in photos again. I wish that I had one ounce of the courage, bravery, and strength Carrie Underwood exemplifies. I would never be able to handle the type of public scrutiny that she does. She is a wonder woman – that is for certain.
Some will argue that, had she posted an injury photo, people and the media would not react the way they have, but consider this: what if she had? Would the criticism really go away? Or would she get bullied because she chose not to take private healing time?
With the deplorable behavior the media and critics are already displaying, I have no desire to attempt to conceive what they would be like if she had shown injury photos, and I am convinced she feels the same way. We all know that they would continue to exploit her recovery, in a myriad of disgusting ways. The truth of the matter is that, whether her choice was to take private healing time, or not to, she would have been bullied anyway. Why? Because our current culture has a deep lack of respect, compassion, and empathy, and it literally sickens me. It is a HEART issue. The evil in people’s hearts is magnified when they see an opportunity to degrade a person in the public eye, especially one with a heart of gold who has avoided a life of controversy.
”…be clothed with humility, for God resists the proud, but gives graces to the humble.”
- 1 Peter 5:5 (NKJV)
While they may believe that putting others down lifts themselves up, by placing the attention on someone else, what actually is occurring is the continual hardening of their hearts, where that lack of respect, compassion, and empathy eventually leaves them with bitterness and hatred for everyone, even themselves, despite their denial. The harder their heart, the harder their spirit will be to resuscitate, though not impossible.
”This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”
- John 3:19-21 (NIV)
After Carrie’s first public interviews since the CMA’s, US Weekly (and likely others), which has been known for some of the cruelest articles about Carrie, due to their tabloid style, published an article full of her quotes from the interviews. I found it to be a little bit of justice-serving, as it could be used as proof that tabloid sources are made up, though that is not necessarily a secret. With Carrie outsmarting them by allowing herself to be so open in the interviews, they pretty much had to write the truth. Personally, I think she is getting plenty of use out of her journalism degree, and it is a wonderful thing.
People can sit behind a screen or go out in public with a new name and hair color, or even be a part of the Witness Protection Program, and NONE of it changes the fact that we will be held accountable for our words, actions, and behaviors – and they will all inevitably cause a domino effect, whether good or bad. If a store employee accidentally breaks something, then is rude to a customer at the store (taking it out on them), and that customer’s attitude immediately turns negative, resulting in the customer yelling at the employee…that is a domino effect. Both the employee and customer are still responsible for their actions, but as humans, we are still affected by others. Switch it around, and Pay it Forward Friday’s are a great example of positive domino effects.
When we are conscious of the media or anyone saying things for attention, it is hard to find that balance between when to remain silent, to avoid giving them the attention they seek, and when silence will only fuel their fire. That being said, the courage and decision to speak up can move mountains. Recently, the volume, both in quantity and decibels, of conversations pertaining to what is ethical and what is not has increased in our society; that growing awareness has culminated in a greater sense of accountability for our words and actions. Although our society is not where it needs to be, any improvement in accountability is still progress and should be praised.
There are circumstances where boycotts are necessary, but during the occasions when the support in number alone may not be enough for the boycott to make a difference in the immediate future, that is the best time to use our voice for change. To remind people why respect and treating others the way we want to be treated is essential.
”Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
- Luke 6:31 (NIV)
I like to compare the media and critical people to the bullies in school – yes, there were times that silence was the answer, but there were also times when silence beget violence. If no one speaks up, nothing will change. Sometimes I wonder what the reduction in bullying would have been like in previous decades, had anti-bullying policies been implemented and taken seriously back then. Sadly, bullying still exists, but without that acknowledgement and the prevention efforts, there would be a higher percentage of incidents. Therefore, while I do have my own issues with finding that balance, I believe that, with the critical and judgemental society we live in, one that leaves out respect and compassion, we increasingly have to speak up to trigger change, or the insanity will persist.
There are those who are adamant that you cannot change the media or other people. But can we? At some point, the media went from being actual news, not focused on gossip and physical appearance, to becoming what I call “TMZ-style reporting” – also known as pure gossip. I remember when certain local or regional newspapers, which I am tempted to call out by name, were wonderful and insightful reads, and after being purchased by a major media company, now have a habit of writing TMZ-style articles.
Where is true journalism anymore? What are professors and bosses teaching students and employees these days? That gossip is what true journalism is? That freedom of speech or press eliminates the responsibility and necessity of respect and morals?
Carrie Underwood graduated Magna Cum Laude with a Bachelor’s degree in Mass Communications (emphasis in Broadcast Journalism), and I can assure you that she would never do the style of reporting the media is doing today, some country music publications included.
When the media and others focus on outward appearance, they are telling young girls that it matters most. The photos and videos that we have seen after one of Carrie’s mission trips to Haiti or other countries are a representation of how our hearts are the true measure of who we are; the joy on the faces of the children around her is not from her fame or her appearance – it is from them experiencing her heartfelt compassion and who she is on the inside. They only know her as Carrie, if they even hear her name at all.
The next time she goes on a mission trip, will those children or people look at any physical scar she may have and judge her for it? No. What they care about is her heart, and critics could take a lesson of wisdom from those people, because with the exploitation of Carrie’s injury, they are falsely saying to our own children that physical scars are more important than inner beauty. They are dangerously marketing to women that your facial features are a better judgement of who you are than your character. And they are profiting from every lie. The angle and approach the media continuously has concerning outward appearance is a tragic epidemic.
”…For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
- 1 Samuel 16:7 (NKJV)
It sets up our youth to either develop inflated egos or have a lack of confidence and self-esteem. This package of lies that the media and critics sell is a large contributor to why women appear to rarely support one another. They habitually put each other down instead of lifting each other up. Whatever happened to mentors in schools? They are vital to all students, but even more so to those who do not have positive influences at home.
”Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
- 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NIV)
Since the media changed at some point, there is no reason that it cannot change again…for the better. Computers do not write the media – even the creepy, computer-voiced news videos on YouTube have information inputed by a human. People are who write the articles. People are who do the reporting. If you can change people’s hearts, you can change the media. The way to change people’s hearts is through prayer and efforts made to open their eyes to the truth. When you pray, ask God to help you find the right words to soften their hearts.
”The world’s so big it can break your heart. And you just wanna help, not sure where to start, so you close your eyes and send up a prayer into the dark. / The smallest thing can make all the difference. Love is alive. Don’t listen to ‘em when they say you’re just a fool, just a fool, to believe you can change the world.”
- Carrie Underwood
(from her song “Change”)
And the critics who bully with their comments? If the media changes, will they change? Or can them changing inspire the media to sing a different tune? It is both; there needs to be harmony. No matter what the media writes, commenters are ultimately responsible for what they say, and the media has that same responsibility. It is still a HEART issue, regardless of how you look at it.
“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
- Luke 6:43-45 (NIV)
However, with the influence the media can have over behavior, a change in tune would go a long way to set an example. On the other hand, the same applies to people reading the media – they need to speak up and analyze the damage that media coverage can do, especially to young girls’ self-esteem. In other words, it takes two to tango, so a change of direction requires both sides to take a step in that direction.
”…I wrote the book because I wanted to put that spotlight back on kindness and say we can start with the small things. And let’s change the culture by changing ourselves – one person at a time – and let it have a ripple effect into your community.” “It starts with you. And you have a choice to be positive, to be kind, to be respectful…“
“I always like to go into meetings or conversations with people that I know may have an opposing point of view and have compassion towards them. I like to think…from their perspective. Where did they grow up? What life events happened to them that they might have this viewpoint for a reason, that will soften my heart to understand where they’re at?”
“Kindness is not weakness – only if you allow it to be weakness.” “You can be strong and kind. You can be kind and ambitious. You can be kind and respectful.”
- Candace Cameron Bure
(on her new book “Kind is the New Classy: The Power of Living Graciously”)
In January, I wrote a blog about kindness that focused on judgement and how our words hold more power than we often realize. If you are a Carrie fan reading this, I should also mention that it featured “Little Toy Guns”. You can read it by clicking here: “The Kindness Trigger Effect”
We should aim to put ourselves in the shoes of others and ask ourselves how we would feel in their situation.
At the end of this blog, I have included two inspirational songs that emphasize key points that I hope will stay with you – one being that “the smallest thing can make all the difference”.
The second song is a self-esteem anthem for girls. It asks us to embrace the true meaning of beauty and not what the media tells us it is.
Take off all the makeup, girl
Shine your light, show the world
Don’t be shy, don’t be scared
You don’t have to hide under there
Let’s throw away all the magazines
Turn off the static on the TV
Wish you could see yourself the way I do
There have been critics, throughout this chaos, who have called Carrie’s inspiration and message to girls into question. In no way would her human reaction to a traumatic event ever take away from her never-ending inspiration (“The Champion” is one example of countless instances) – it actually makes her even more inspirational. Just as I recalled a woman’s Instagram comment, Carrie’s courage in expressing her own vulnerability helps spark that courage in other women, and even men, to find healing through sharing those human vulnerabilities with others.
When Carrie referenced publishing the blog to the fanclub, out of fear of someone posting a photo during the earlier phases of her healing, she stated the fans would be the “first ones to come to my defense and kind of explain what happened” – she was definitely correct in that we would. We always will be. I feel like, being “Carrie’s Care Bears”, we should have the slogan on social media: tough in defense, but protective because we care.
”Some people care too much. I think it’s called love.”
- Winnie the Pooh
It is true, though. We protect because we care – care about someone who has imparted care to others in ways like no one else has. You can only defend yourself so long and it work. You have to have allies. I am not referring to a Chuck Norris fight, by the way.
So how does Carrie herself handle the critics? She responds with a thought-provoking anthem, that encourages us all to not be fearful of exhibiting emotion or vulnerability – because we each have our breaking points.
The class she demonstrates among dark hearts makes her golden heart shine even brighter.
”You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”
- Matthew 5:14-16 (NKJV)
This entire situation with the media and Carrie’s critics has caused me to think deeper than I ever have about beauty and how the media, and our words, affect perceptions about it. In the past week or so, I have been constantly questioning my career goals and purpose in life…on if there is more to it than I thought. I am now strongly considering expanding on those goals, to include more work in the area of female youth empowerment (self-esteem, etc.) and joining efforts to help change the media/how people perceive beauty. And maybe more…who knows. What I do know is that there is a reason God is keeping these considerations on my mind, and I have to try my best to be as patient and trusting as possible while waiting on those puzzle pieces to fall into place.
Side note to Carrie (just in case you see this blog): I am glad Isaiah has helped you become more of a hugger, because next time I see you again in a meet and greet or something, you are getting a hug! Praying for you, girl. You deserve only the best things in life. Here’s a Winnie the Pooh quote to hopefully make you smile: ”You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” - Christopher Robin
Before you listen to the other two songs I mentioned, I want to re-share the definition of “exploit/exploitation” and then leave you with some important thoughts to ponder:
– to take advantage of (a person, situation, etc), esp. unethically or unjustly for one’s own ends
– to utilize, esp. for profit; to make use of selfishly; to use or manipulate to one’s advantage
Whether you are an author, reporter, or reader, when it comes to writing and commenting about someone’s beauty or health, topics that can carry a lot of power over a person’s self-esteem (especially for young girls), I am begging you to put your name (and/or your mother’s, daughter’s, or niece’s name) in the place of the person’s name in the headline and throughout the story. Next, read all of it out loud. Or better, have a friend or family member do it, in order to hear what it sounds like coming from another person, which is sometimes crucial to get an accurate judgement.
”If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
- Philippians 2:1-4 (NIV)
After you do so, contemplate these things: would you still write the article? Would you still post harsh comments about the person, whether on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or any other platform? And if you are not willing to complete that reading aloud task, why would you not be? What is keeping you from it? The fear of discovering your perspective could need changing? Knowing you may need to re-write the article or challenge your boss on it? Guilt?
Whatever your answers may be, never forget that things happen for a reason. We learn about – and open our eyes to – life through living it, which means there will be times we when have to ask ourselves the hard questions, ponder the things we are afraid to ponder, and one of the most humbling of all…look at ourselves in the mirror.
“As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man.”
- Proverbs 27:19 (NIV)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
”Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.
If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless. Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.”
- James 1:19-27 (NKJV)
Written by: https://twitter.com/CaliaButterfly
”Change”
Click here to watch "Change" on YouTube
”Nobody Ever Told You”
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