Sometimes I astonish even myself in Fish On!

I was just sitting around, doing nothing in particular and letting my mind wander where it would. You know, basically my default state of existence. And then it came to me.

Best. Idea. Ever.

Seriously, you guys, this is even better than my idea for improving that boring Naked and Afraid TV show.

Prepare yourself for awesomeness...


The River Monsters calendar. That's right, 12 glorious months' worth of Jeremy Wade eye candy in exotic locales (and ideally in little else).

And it doesn't even have to be completely tasteless! All that's needed are strategically placed fish and Jeremy Wade can more or less preserve his modesty. You know, if he really insists.

But then I got to thinking. This is such a good idea, surely it's already been done? In fact, the whole time I've been looking at cowboys on the free calendar from the local propane company, maybe I could have been looking at Jeremy Wade instead. Oh, woe.

So I decided to peruse the Animal Planet shop and see if they sell River Monsters calendars, tasteful or otherwise. And it turns out they don't, at least not any that I could find. Which is truly surprising, because they sell just about everything else. T-shirts, steins, mousepads, notebooks, tote bags... Holy mackerel! Shut up and take my money!

Now, I'm not 100% sure that I saw absolutely everything, as my browser kept crashing -- probably because it shared my astonishment at the sheer quantity of products. But after a lot of rebooting and squinting (the pictures are really small and not very high-def, and I've misplaced my reading glasses), I think I got a pretty good overview of the various products. And there are definitely some things missing, besides the eye candy calendar.

May I humbly suggest the following:


- A T-shirt with an image of Jeremy Wade on the front, because the idea of his face nestled between my breasts is quite appealing.



- This logo totally needs to be on a pair of boxer shorts, am I right?:

- This logo needs to be tweaked a bit for the women's T-shirt. Lose the fish and place those hands farther apart:

- Finally, I really, really want a pair of underpants with this picture on the front...

...to separate the easily frightened from the intrepid adventurers.



Sooner or later, the world will recognize my genius, I'm sure of it.