My problems. in My problems and why I bury them away inside.

A little about myself: I am an army brat. I grew up with my dad always gone and when he was home he was not really there. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive and made not only myself but my siblings feel really unwanted and unloved. My mom tried her hardest to support us but sometimes it was unbearable for her and she would break down. I had to grow up fast. I was the oldest of 3 and I had to help raise my brother and sister. We fought all the time and when nothing got done I get in trouble. It really made me feel like crap knowing that I wasn’t good enough that nothing was every good enough. I still feel like that to this day. I always feel like I am always wrong. My friends and family like to point it out when I am wrong. All the time and it’s frustrating at time. Yes I make mistakes and yes I don’t think when I say or do things and that’s my fault but I don’t need to be criticized every time. I am so used to bottling up my feelings cause it’s easier that way. I have done it for over 20 years so it’s easier to detach myself and not deal with my problems. Easier to not care I guess. Except that after a while it gets to me and I guess the box or “jar” of you will opens up and my emotions and problems start flow out and it’s annoying to be honest. I hate when I get like that cause I was always taught that showing emotion and crying and stuff showed weakness. I am married but going through a divorce and having a baby at the same time. It’s a pain. But that’s a story for another time. I will write more but that’s all I wanted to say I guess for now.