1/15/2014
my lover is moving to Florida next month. just my luck right? This is the second time something similar has happened. I have grown to really share deep feelings with this beautiful man. I let him break down every wall. Now I am being left behind in the dust to rebuild myself all over again. I find myself questioning if what we had was real? or am I the only one who felt that deeply? He told me two days ago and explained he was only going to be gone for a year. I can't get it out of my head. The big question is will he wait for me? will I ever see him again? I felt so comfortable with him he was the only one who knows about my eating disorder. Our all night conversations are something I will never forget. His eyes are forever burning in my mind they are all I can see. Do I convince him to stay? or let him go and be with his family? I wonder if trying to convince him would even work.
Ive lived long enough to know life is no where near being a movie let alone a chick flick. I can't help thinking how nice it would be if everything did for once work out for me. The whole seen with the lover about to board the plane and the other person comes racing through the airport to tell them not to go. I want that. He told me he would visit, I think I would be stupid to believe him. Like I had said ive been through this situation before it just never works. I feel something holding me back though still giving me hope to believe he will come back. If you love something let it go. Thats another thing do I love him? I think if I did I would know but maybe not. All I know is i'm not ready to let him go and I care for this man more than I would like to admit.
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