Dear Kit, in Chapter 9 : Oil Above Water

It’s been a week. 7 whole days since you last slid relief across your thigh and watched your pain bleed in to the water. The urges have been there, but you’re finding ways to cope with them, to deal with them. The pain isn’t as bad as it was, you’re starting to process again and the fog is starting to lift, you’re starting to see the light again. Don’t ever be ashamed of your stripes, you’re a goddamn soldier and they’re the proof that you’ve survived a war with yourself, the war that wages inside you will likely never end but for now there is a ceasefire, it’s peace time in your brain.

I don’t want to tempt fate but girl, I think you got this this time. Maybe not forever, but just for now you’re doing ok. Day by day you’re getting there, day by day you’re getting better. Try and remember that as you spiral into the darkness that you’re not weak, you’re just not well. You’ve not been well for a while, but you can get better, but this isn’t a cold you’re dealing with, it won’t just get better in time. You actually need to work on getting better. Maybe this time once you’re better you could try working on staying better. Maybe getting a regular therapist might be worth a shout if it keeps you from cutting? Surely the greatest investment you can make is in yourself?

Things have to change you see. It’s all very well and good being the matriarch, looking after everyone at home and at work, but who’s looking after you? Self-preservation darling, you need to look after yourself first so that you can look after everyone else, after all, you can’t pour from an empty jug. Please Kit, start looking after yourself for your own sake. You wouldn’t let anyone else break you down, so don’t break yourself down. Remember your worth darling.

Keep shining like the star you are.

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Last updated March 05, 2018