Road blocks in My Quest for a Quiet Soul

Sometimes I feel like I’ve got this raw potential to really be and do something special. With my intelligence and creative spark, I could be important. I could leave an impression…I could be remembered. I wouldn’t just fade away. I wouldn’t just be a waste. There has to be a reason that I’ve gone through everything that I’ve gone through…right?
There has to be a reason that I can think, feel, imagine and create everything that I can. So, if that’s the case then why do I keep running into these roadblocks that prevent me from becoming who I could be?
If it’s not financial, it’s my heart. Or my panic attacks. My emotions are a HUGE hindrance, as well as my over thinking. Being an empath is a bitch. I’m like two, sometimes three, different people. When I’m thrown into another persons’ shoes sometimes more!
Was I put here to bring my children into the world, so that they could make the difference? Like a catalyst or carrier? I suppose I could accept that. However, I suppose I am hurt that I’ve had to go through the abuse, homelessness, addiction, mental illness and all of the other life given turbulence. I’m ready for a change. I want to be the change....but it’s like I’m forbidden the chance.