Dual Entry (Updates) & A Potential Poisoning. in General Mental Anesthesia

Earlier this week it was National Cancer Awareness Day.

G-D forbid, but I do not know if I have colon cancer or not. I’m so extremely sick every single day: 20 - 25x/ day with constant dry heaving (because I’m taking in so little food) and pain so severe it’s unmanageable!

In my last 2 Emergency Room visits, Patient Care came in to help me with Medicaid forms (my 4th time applying). They said Medicaid would call me within the week. No one called. I called the hospital and they now said that I had to contact the Dept of Social Services and provided me with a number. I called that number and they said that I called the wrong department. I needed to call another number and so I did, and they transferred me to yet another number which yes… then transferred me to yet another number.

Finally, I get someone on the phone that actually seems to care. And she can’t find me in the system anywhere. Not by name, dob or even my social. The Paperwork that the “Patient Care” filled out right in front of me while I was in triage seemingly vanished or was never processed. They just take all your sensitive information and do nothing with it.

So now, I have to start over from scratch.

I bring all this up because people like to say: Oh well you can just get on Medicaid… it’s not that easy, it’s in fact damn near impossible (especially in states like FL or NC that don’t have expanded Medicaid coverage). It’s now another 90 - 120 day waiting period to be approved or disapproved.

Meanwhile, I am strickened with an illness that is killing me. I’ve had ulcerative colitis for more than half my life. I’ve been in a lot of pain. I’ve had a stomach ache for 25.5 years. (Most people would complain or take off work if you had this kind of stomach pain, but people like myself get used to it). That said, the pain and sickness at this time is beyond measure.

I’ve had days in the past 2 weeks where I’ve easily lost over a half cup of blood. I’ve lost 25lbs in that time as well. Every time I stand I’m so weak and dizzy I nearly fall. I don’t know if I have c-diff, the hospital didn’t take a sample while I was there that could have determined that. I don’t know if I have cancer because they didn’t admit me to do the proper testing despite how much pain I was in and clearly needed to be. Why? Because I don’t have the financial means nor do I have health insurance of any kind.

The point I’m trying to make here is that my health would be far better, and in all likelihood I could be working and taking care of myself if I had been insured or financially comfortable enough to be medically treated when I needed to be. So if you do have the means, financially or otherwise… get yourself to the Dr. Whether you suspect something or not, get regular checkups. There’s no excuse, not for you. You don’t need, nor do you want to suffer as I am because you’re too lazy to see a Dr. Don’t ever come up with excuses, not when your health is involved. I tried to care for myself, but we’re not dealing with a cold here. No one wants to be in the hospital, but when you need certain medical attention &
tests and it isn’t provided, you’re left with little choice.

If you CAN, do it!

I don’t want any of you to know the hell that I am experiencing. Every second of my life, I pray for death. And before you say anything, that’s not being negative. I just want peace. I want to know what it’s like to not suffer relentlessly. I know there’s still a lot for me to do on this Earth, but I can’t think past the severity of pain I’m in every single second, it’s all consuming! For those of you who know me, you know that I’m the most anti-drug person in the world!!! And that I have a very high tolerance for pain. I’m begging for anything right now!!!

Though I’m finding it harder and harder to rationalize why, obviously I’m still fighting.

Again, I can’t stress enough… if you have the means, be seen.

How you can help me

I know I’ve asked countless times, but please continue to share this link and please ask others to share so that more eyes have the opportunity to see it. Here. Twitter, IG, other crowdfunding or charitable groups if you’re in them etc… You never know who knows who and what may come of it. Right now, this is the only care I have; you’re all I have and I humbly thank you for everything you’ve done for me recently. I continue to fight because of you. xo

WRITTEN TODAY

When you’re in the condition that I’m in, thin lines are drawn.

Being nauseous and sick 20+x/day takes it’s toll. Experiencing pain at the severity I’m in (both in and out of the bathroom 24 hours a day wears on you).

It’s hard to say that some days are worse than others when every single day is absolute “I wish I were dead” hell.

Yesterday, however…

I asked for some cranberry juice from the store. I didn’t care what the brand was as long as it was 100% juice and not diet. My sister’s husband got me the store brand (like I said, I didn’t care).

It was poured into a cup for me and it smelled off, but the tap water here is horrible and I figured that it was from washing the cup. A couple hours later (and I should mention that I categorize sickness, meaning… when you’re ‘sick’ (really sick) vomiting, diarrhea, pain etc…) it is what it is. Then there’s violently ill (which is me every day) Severe convulsions, cramping, internal bleeding, dizziness, severe pain on top of the above, and there’s ultra violence where you’re body is out of control making deep Hades stemming, fear inducing guttural sounds because the vomit starts at your feet and works its way up as if it’s coming out of every pore! So incredibly sick that you end up laying on the bathroom floor in the fetal position in your own filth).

Now, the latter can and does happen with just colitis. But combined with a kidney stone and gallstones, it’s hard to determine what causes such eruptions.

I went and took a Zofran (for nausea) with some of the cranberry juice I had left.

30 minutes later, it happened again. Most of the time I’m dry heaving because I have so little food in my system, but this was continued full on puking. One could almost say ‘redecorating the bathroom’ (Carrie style for you Stephen King fans).

I laid down afterwards, sweating, with chills… just miserable on top of miserable. I was so parched, I drank some water which immediately sent me to the bathroom.

Once more I go to lay down. I need something sweet. I went to pour myself a little more cranberry juice and I decided to smell it before I did. I didn’t like the smell. I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t right. Maybe the plastic was old, maybe there was some kind of bacteria in it… or maybe it was just my senses being off because of how sick I am.

Like I said ‘thin lines’.

Was the cranberry juice bad? Quite possible.

Then it happened again a couple hours later. I probably woke everyone in the neighborhood.

I asked my mom to return the juice this morning.

Tap water, plastic bottles, canned foods… Just be careful what you ingest. If you suspect something, go with your gut!

So far today I suppose the good news is that I’m back to just being violently ill.

Silver lining?