Today I have decided I want to start tracking my daily life. I have been struggling with depression and self hate a lot the last few years. After facing many difficulties and disappointments I have finally realized that many of these issues were brought on by my own choices. With this realization came the urge to change. Today is my first entry in a long process of recording my daily thoughts, ideas, actions, mistakes, and life choices.
Today was a good day for me. I woke up and was in a good mood. Although I have been worried about not having a job, I have a job interview Monday that I am excited about. I decided that I would being my journey to self discovery by starting a journal. I put it off most of the day until later in the afternoon. When I decided to sit down and write it, I started on paper. Since I will be recording everything on here, I am going to copy it here. First I would like to explain this part of my journal, mostly so I can remember later on why I chose to do start it this way. The beginning of my journal is about the root causes of my depression (at least what I came up with at this point.) My idea is that by finding the causes of my actions and choices, I will be able to analyze my decisions and begin working on making better ones. Here is the baseline -
What is causing my depression?
-childhood issues
-weight
-job
-finances
-lonely
What are things that make me happy?
-working out
-social interaction
-learning
-traveling
-food
-video games
-reading
-nerd things
-marijuana
-movies
-sex
-guns
-cooking
What am I doing to change the things that make me depressed?
Childhood issues - seeing a counselor
Weight - gym and eating better
Job - not enough
Financial - not enough
Lonely - not ready for a relationship
What activities do I need to work on spending more/less time on?
More - cooking, working out, socializing, learning, reading, cooking
Less - food, video games, twitch, marijuana, movies, focus on sex
Right balance - traveling, nerd stuff, guns
Short Term goals (this week) 2/3/2018 - 2/10/2018
1. Go to interview on Monday
2. Go to gym at least 4 times
3. Cook ALL meals this week. No eating out except on a cheat meal.
4. Learn to meditate
(this month Feb.)
1. Find a job
2. Pay back debts to friends
3. Read or listen to at least 2 books
this year (2018)
1. Stay at job
2. Build up savings to 5k
3. Pay off motorcycle
4. Be healthier, be at a weight I feel happy at
5. Learn a new hobby
Fitness goals for 2018
1. Bench 225 for 15 reps
2. Mile in under 9 minutes
3. 50 push ups
4. 50 sit ups
5. 10 pull ups
How do I plan on working towards these goals?
This journal will hold me accountable. It is not something that I will record progress in. I am not focusing on my goals, but focusing on my actions. Every day I will write what I have or have not done to reach my goals and see what actions caused my decisions. This journal will help me understand my choices and patterns. By recording my thoughts, actions, and desires I will learn about myself.
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