December 2017 in 2014

I put off writing this entry for months now because December was a horrible month.

Everything at school started getting really stressful. I think everyone’s patience was suffering because it was so close to the end of the year and we all just needed a holiday. Including my teacher. There were so many disagreements, misunderstandings, hurt feelings etc. 3 students dropped out of our course in December, for their own personal reasons but the stress didn’t help matters.

My mother was suppose to visit my sister in Tasmania to see her new baby, who is 1 now. A few days before she was due to leave my mother went MIA. This is nothing unusual. So my sister cancelled the plane ticket. A few weeks later my mother reappeared and I guess she had a falling out with my sister. So my mum rang me crying.

My family is so complicated. So my brother & sister are my step siblings. We have different fathers. In November their paternal grandmother passed away. My sister attended the funeral as she had a close relationship with her grandmother. My brother chose not to attend the funeral. He loves his grandmother but they weren’t very close. And he doesn’t like the uncles on that side of the family. They’re assholes.

So when my Mum rang me, crying about my sister her explanation was she didn’t want to visit and interfere on my sisters grieving process over her grandmothers death. Her explanation is a crock of shit. She was scared about travelling to the other side of Australia because she’s an alcoholic and a drug addict. When she visited me back in 08 the first thing she asked was for me to take her to the liquor store then asked my brother for weed. My sister and her husband are pretty wholesome. I think the idea of dealing with that situation gave my mum so much anxiety that she just decided it was easier not to go. Of course then she had a lot of guilt and sadness about not seeing her grandchild etc. So she called me. eyeroll

I wasn’t as kind to her as I could have been. I’m just so sick and tired of dealing with this bullshit.

Then my sister decided to try getting in touch. I think she was having quite a few conversations with my brother at this time. He was encouraging her to resolve our differences. All I know about her side of the story is what my brother has told me and that was her comments were: I suppose I should try and resolve things with my sister. Which isn’t exactly a comment that instills confidence or enthusiasm for that matter. Way to make me feel like a chore. So I didn’t really put much effort into responding to her efforts. She called a few times and ended up sending me a text message that read: Hello, I’m sorry I was a cow to you during my wedding and on many other occasions when my attitude has been less than kind. I know mums been a bit nutty at the moment so ill try and ring you after its all died down. But I wanted to let you know. I didn’t even bother responding.

Then on Christmas Day it was my brothers turn to be a pain. He didn’t want to ring Mum and wish her a Merry Christmas because it was after lunch and he was worried she’d already be drunk. Eventually I sat down next to him and said well I’m ringing her and she’ll ask where you are and when she asks I’ll say next to me. So eventually he dropped his attitude and agreed to ring her with me. Turns out she was fine. She’d been out for an early breakfast with our uncle and was in a great mood. I get my brother’s reluctance to call her but it’s Christmas Day for fucks sake. Make an exception. It’s just a fucking phone call. Then he locked himself away in his bedroom to loudly play video games all day. He came out for Christmas lunch and to eat and stuff with us but he was barely present all day.

Merry Fucking Christmas hey....

By the time December was done I was so over my family. I just want to pack a bag, move to another country and start over.