Suggestions from the crowd. in 2018

First come first serve right?
Asenath Waite. This one is yours.
Given how we change psychology, and physically as we age, are you literally the same person today as you were a decade or two ago?

Fuck no. I am not the same person I was a decade ago. Hell, I am not the same person I was 5 years ago. When I was younger I was an optimist, I still am to an extent. When I was younger I completely and totally believed that doing the right thing consistently would eventually yield a pay off. A reward. Karma. Now, it was never a selfish thing. It was more of do the right thing, and generally bad shit won’t happen to you, and if it does the people you have helped will be there for you. I do not believe that as much. I continue to do the right thing, and handle what needs handled. I am not good at saying no I won’t help you. If somebody comes to me seeking advice, or comfort, or a listening ear, or whatever help I can provide…I do what I can. But I no longer believe that those people will return the favor. I no longer believe people will be there. I have cared for and helped so many people. I have been the exception. I have been the guy that they knew they could rely on, and when I needed it most....almost all of them were nowhere to be found. They all bailed. Jesus Christ, there were times that I thought Amber and I would make it. Ha. She played me, cheated on me, and eventually got knocked up by a drug addict abusive piece of shit…which I warned her about. There were times I thought B and I would sort through our shit and actually have decent timing and make it work. That was a foolish notion. She used me. I am not a fool. She used me when she needed me and then didn’t care once a shiny distraction came about. Usually in the form of a new boy toy. Now she had a baby and is married to a psychotic abusive dickhead. I should iterate that when I say they are abusive or psychotic or what have you, I am not speculating. I have been directly told these things. I know for a fact these things. There was a time that I thought that taking care of my family was a priority. I don’t think it is anymore because this entire divorce situation with my parents has brought a lot of information to light. I learned I was an accident, that wasn’t wanted. I learned just how little I am appreciated in this family. I stopped going to school to deal with shit and take care of my blood. I am in the process of finishing cleaning up the mess of this divorce, which in no way shape or form should have fallen on my shoulders, but they won’t so I will. I have been told that I am a condescending asshole. I prefer smart ass because I don’t tolerate the childish bullshit from grown adults. I have been told by my mother that she hates me. ‘Fuck yous’ I have had my so called family hold things over my head to keep me from pushing them to grow the fuck up, because I was in a situation that didn’t allow me to push. The jackass father used to hold rides to work over my head. Told me repeatedly, “get the fuck out and find your own ride home.” Over a mountain, in a town I moved to to help mother who moved there under the understanding that the jackass and her were going to work on things and go to therapy and shit. A lie from him. I have been dragged through fire and flames and muck and shit by the people that are generally supposed to help you. Nah, fuck that. I learned that family isn’t who you share blood. Family consists of the people that you trust and can rely on. Relation is irrelevant to that. Family. True family isn’t who you are related to, It’s who earns that place. My jackass father always demanded I respect him strictly based on the notion that he was my father. Ever since I was old enough to think for myself, I challenged that shit. Respect is earned. He was no father. He was a lazy prick that didn’t want to do anything. And if you can’t give reasons why I should respect you beyond “father,” then you probably don’t deserve my respect. And also…maybe actually be a father and not a sperm donor. I am not the same person I was a decade ago. I have changed. That being said. At my core, my morals remain the same. I help when I can. I will do what I believe is right. I will take care of the people around me, even if they sure as shit don’t deserve it. But, I have learned there is no reward for it. There is pain, but my belief that you need the negative to give the positive meaning has only been strengthened. I am different. I am the same. It’s a little bit of both.

How much harder did our grandparents have it, (or mine anyway), living where winter means at least three months of extreme cold; and why didn’t they move somewhere warmer?

My personal grandparents....I don’t have a single clue. I know next to nothing about them or their history. When my family went to visit the extended family, I was typically the one that stayed back and took care of the animals. I never talked to them about their past. I didn’t like alot of my extended family. Most of them are alcoholics devoid of character or personality beyond the bottle. I prefer people of substance. Have real conversations. Aren’t afraid to disagree.
Generally speaking for that generation. Harder or easier is irrelevant. Every generation has its’ own obstacles. I admire the doers of that generation. So many great strides were achieved. Whereas now, we are taking steps backwards as a society. Political correctness is destroying the world. Globalism as well. I think financially and such, they probably had it harder, but as a society I think it was perhaps easier. Yes there was conflict. Conflict is necessary for progress. There were tremendous battles. Great men and women, fighting real fights for real equality. Now we got people fabricating causes and crying wolf at every hint of anything that might offend. We live in a time where there are people eating Tide Pods....and people that actually believe not using their pronouns to be an actual act of violence. People actively seeking safe spaces. Demanding repercussions payed for shit that they never suffered. That they never endured. We have people shouting gimme gimme off of the blood, sweat, tears, and lives of people that actually endured and suffered. We live in a time where a large portion of people have grown up being told that they are special, getting participation trophies, and now they feel entitled to whatever they want. I don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings, but at the same time I do. Conflict, contention, disagreement, offensive shit....leads to progress. You can’t have a positive without a negative. And challenging these notions with open discourse is how we actually progress as a race and culture. NOBODY is entitled to not be offended. NOBODY is entitled to feeling safe. You create those things for yourself. Society doesn’t give you that. If that were the case would you drive a car because of the risk of crashing? You wouldn’t be able to do anything if you had to feel safe doing it all. What good comes from cowering and hiding for the sake of a safe place. What great accomplishments ever came from staying safe? Safe is stagnant. Safe is easy. Safe is anti-progress. Simply put our societal issues are what I believe are worse. Jesus, the BLM movement has essentially asked for segregation while hypocritically shouting the white man. How is that progress? That shits on the struggles of the legitimate movements in our grandparents times. And another thing…Any time you put a modifier in front of a general concept that is good…you undermine the actual thing and turn it into a perversion of it. Justice is justice is justice. You make it social justice, then you are undermining actual justice to adhere to portion. Group justice over individual justice. Correctness. You either are correct or you are not. Political correctness…saying the wrong thing yields negative results. Social justice, you suggest that injustice is better than justice. Guilt is irrelevant based on the group you may fit the description of. Now don’t get me wrong. We still have hurdles. There are incidents of racism, bigotry, sexism, etc. etc. They will always exist. But you deal with them case by case and look at them individually. You don’t take an incident and make it out that EVERYONE IS RACIST. You don’t blow single incidents out of proportion. There is and always will be evil in this world but we fight it when it shows its face. You can’t win the war before it starts. That’s fear. Not freedom. And that is exactly what these movements are doing. Respect one another until you have reason not to. That’s all it takes. Race, gender, sexuality, whatever....those aren’t reasons to not give the fundamental level of respect. Those are incidents of racism or what have you. But it can not be acted upon unless they actively do something. You can’t be free and try to control peoples’ minds and thoughts and feelings. There needs to be a certain level of acceptance of things existing. You can’t have peace without war. Light without dark. Good without evil. It is an ugly necessity, but a necessity nonetheless. Without it, all the good means nothing. I wish no ill will on anyone, but I am not foolish enough to believe a dystopian future is achievable. It would all be a lie if it were. Pain and hurt and evil is all necessary. I think I went on a tangent. Anyway, every generation has its obstacles, and all we can do is deal with things as they come. So difficulty for their generation and ours....are incomparable. Different obstacles, different circumstances, different kinds of battles.

Why are morticians allowed to just pour all of that blood down any old drain? And why hasn’t anyone made a horror movie about blood-drinking bacteria, that evolved to subsist on it, living under mortuaries, somehow infecting the rats and raccoons that live in the drainage tunnels, turning them into blood thirsty monsters?

I am fairly certain that they can’t jsut pour it down any old drain. It’s biohazardous material I believe. Now that being said, I could see that becoming a very good horror movie or suspense thriller. Or even a grand B movie. Sounds like the start of a zombie flick. A parasite adapts in that setting, leading to a zombie outbreak with patient 0s being morticians. Shit. I could write that script.

What’s the weather like where you are? It’s 17 degrees fahrenheit here, as I type this.

The weather here has been all over the place. I live in VA, and one day it’s below 0 the next it’s in the 60s. One day it’s raining the next it’s sunny. Snow to sunshine. Windy as hell to still and quiet. Thunderstorms to…not…thunderstorms? VA weather is fucking weird.

Em....Your turn.

Do a dear you and you and you

I do not have the energy for a Dear you. lol

write a story

Inspiration has been tickling me here and there lately. I should get back on that .

Talk about something that scares you

Hmm. I used to be a firm believer that I only had the phobia of heights. But lately there are other things that scare me. I am scared of being trapped in this situation for…well…forever. lol And having all these people around me reveal how little I have meant, in spite of all I have done…I guess I am a little scared of being alone. Believing I have someone, and investing too much in them and having that all come crashing down. I hate the notion of living based on lies. I would much rather have the truth that hurts, than build faith and beliefs on sand and lies.

talk about something you love

Something I love. Roxie, of course. My old partially blind, probably mostly deaf Princess. God I worry about her. I legitimately have no idea what I would do if I lost her. Shit, I spent the night at my sisters a little while back and couldn’t sleep, because Rox wasn’t there. She always goes to bed with me. She is the one thing I know I can rely on. The one person that no matter what I know I have her love and devotion, just as she has mine. I have no doubts about Roxie, and that’s why I love animals. They are honest, people…not so much. Roxie is pretty much my everything. That sounds really sad and pathetic when I type that out.

Caite…I always feel like I spell your name wrong. Everytime. I don’t know why. Batter up.

Short term goals?

Get the fuck out of here, this year. Find a place I can afford that will take my pets and me and have internet. Have a steady job. I have one now, but damn is it trying my patience. Get back to schooling. I am thinking more and more about it. I think I am going to be looking at online Vet Tech schooling. I want to work with animals, and I am restricted to online classes, sooo....I hope that will happen soon. Just gotta do a little more research and truly decide what online classes I would be interested in taking. Maybe work on getting back in shape.

Do you have a bucketlist? If so, what’s on it?

I actually do not have a bucket list. I prefer to live as I go. Even not doing much I am content with. Sure there are things I would like to do, but death is part of life and what gives life meaning and makes life beautiful. When my time comes it comes, and whatever I did or didn’t do is irrelevant to that fact. If I had to put something on my bucket list, this is going to sound pathetic and hopelessly ridiculous, but genuinely and completely love and have it returned. I would have also said, make an impact, but I believe I already have. I have touched so many lives for the better, regardless of if they appreciate or recognize it I know I have.

Em Part 2.

Write about the necklace.

So I found my King of Hearts Card necklace the other day. I bought that necklace alongside a Queen of Hearts one....under the notion that my nickname/call tag…which became part of me over time, would go to my Queen. I used my King necklace to remind me of who I am. That I get through shit. That no matter how bad it got, I am the King, and I will get through it. I can get through it. It got me through some tough shit. I know the sentiment is ridiculous, but sometimes you need to remember who you are. Anyway, somebody I believed in and had faith in and loved....wanted the Queen necklace. But, I wasn’t sure if she was who should get it, but my feelings towards her continued to grow and I eventually gave it to her. She, like many others, bailed. When she did, I took it off. And hadn’t worn it since. It didn’t feel right. The other half of it was in the wrong place. I was fooled into believing it was going to the right place. It felt like if I wore it I was lying to myself. So I am wearing it again now. AFter a hiatus. I no longer connect it to her and the Queen necklace. It is me. It is a reminder of myself, not the absence of the Queen. I’ll find my true Queen in due time, and if marriage is in our sights…hers will be a ring, which I will have its match. It feels good to have it back. Any time I get stressed out and need to remember to have faith in myself....it’s there. Reminding me that I am the King and to stay true to my heart. It’s stupid, but it helps.

I think I covered everything. KING OUT BITCHES.