Forced Interactions. in 2018

I am stressed the fuck out lately. Trying to relax as much as I can but there is just so much stress. I just don’t know what to do and how to do it. All I ask for is some peace.

At any rate. My niece and nephew had their birthday party thing today. Which whatever. I personally am uncomfortable around a decent sized group of children. So I figured I would just chill back at home and not bother with the party part of it. Nope. Mother decided she needed my help. So, whatever. I go help get the pizza and shit. When I get there....the jackass is there..of course. Who if I haven’t told you he has been trying to message me and get me to respond. To which I have looked at so he could see and not respond. Typical shit. Started around my birthday. “Happy Birthday Kyle I love you.” “I miss you.” “Maybe we can get a drink or dinner sometime.” Bitch I ain’t your ex. So any way, he sees me he greets me with, “Kyle.” I turn and start walking away and flip the bird over my shoulder. “What was that for? What did I do to deserve that?” Mother fucker you want a list? You’re the sorry son of a bitch that demands respect for the sole reasoning of, “I am your father.” You think taking part in the procreation process makes you a father? Fuck no asshole. What have you done to deserve it? How about adultery? Abandonment? Dishonesty? Cowardice? You are the one that demanded respect, but could never give a good reason other than ‘father.’ That is NOT how respect works. As a child sure, but the moment I am old enough to think for myself is when you should have grasped the concept that in order to maintain respect, you have to earn it. You have done nothing to earn it. You abandoned your family. You made empty promises about fixing and helping with things and just bailed. You accused your daughter, who is married to someone who had(s) a drug problem. He has been cleaning, of being on drugs. Made her take a drug test. What exactly about you do you think I am supposed to respect? I don’t see it. Then a little later on he walks up to me outside, “Is it that hard to talk to me?” I turned my back and walked away. “Really?” As he followed me. Bitch what makes you think you deserve a response? What makes you think you have earned my time of day? Mother fucker, my entire life has been put on pause to clean up your fucking mess. You want me to give the time of day? You want me to acknowledge your pathetic existence? Step up like a real man, and stop being such a little bitch. Own your shit. You fucked up. You are a douchebag. Own it. Accept your responsibility and the shit you have done and haven’t done. I have had to clean up your mess. I have put my life on hold for this. So step up to the plate mother fucker. And another thing…you are going to try to talk about that shit at a child’s birthday party? Mother fucker I am not resorting to throwing hands at my niece and nephews’ birthday party.

So with him being there I had to deal with my mother being manic depressive immediately. So that was fun. -_- not really. I am just soooo tired of it. I just want peace. That is all I want. I just want peace. I want to be able to relax. Come home and not have to stress about mother being crazy and shit. I want to go back to school. I am thinking vet tech online classes may be my best bet. I am trying to think of what career I would like because I am limited to online schooling. I know I want to work with animals again. God I miss it. But I want to get my life back on track. I have sacrificed far too much over this shit.