Again in Once again

It’s not the first time I’m feeling this. Not the first time this numbness over took me. And more than anything I don’t want it. Not again. Anything but that. The first time, I somehow got over it. More like it faded to the background and didn’t bother me as much. But something happened. And now I have to go through it all once more.
All these expectations on me. Will be able to achieve my goal?I don’t think I will be able to but apparently all my family are expecting me to come out of this with a stethoscope around my neck and a doctor’s coat on my arm. Sure I did always want to be a doctor. Since I was 5 and knew what an injection was. But now it’s not my dream anymore. It’s been adopted so early into my family, that hybrid now talk about it as it’s something that is bound to happen. I am obviously gonna be a pediatrician. Like of course. So now it’s their dream as well. And they pressure too hard. I don’t know if I’ll even survive these 3 months until the entrance.