All I want to do is film. I love directing so much and the guys that I shoot with who are back in FL. I'll never divert to another creative area as a full time gig. My corpse making was a side gig of creativity, but it's such a niche market it was difficult to sustain, now impossible with my health what it is, besides it had a sickeningly low profit margin. I just did it for the sake of creating and it made people happy (my customers).
I would love to make money again, but right now I'm so sick I can barely type. Responding to you so far in this note has taken 40 minutes as of right now.
Between you and I... I have no will to live. Zero. Don't get me wrong, there's a million and one things I still want to do. The only reason I'm still here (well... reasons) are.
- My mom and my brother mostly
- When I died in 2014 and came back (twice) you can't help but wonder "why"? If death is permanent, why am I still here? I know why. Years before I died, I came up with the idea for two tv shows... one to help the environment and one to help the homeless. (Neither of my ideas have ever been attempted before). I can't go into details, but I think it's my mission in life to accomplish this. I think that's why I'm still here.
Of course that's not easy. The environmental project is the lesser expensive one to produce, and I do actually have someone that might be able to get a trailer to the right person at a network, but you still have to make that trailer. To do so (on the low end) you're looking at $5k - 7500k. Peanuts, in terms of tv, but still a lot of money. I've always lived paycheck to paycheck, so saving was difficult, and the one part of my job that I am weakest at is raising funds. There are so many crappy movies being made, terrible tv shows that you'd think it'd be easy especially when you have ideas that will save lives and make the world a better place, I wish!
When it comes to blogging, there are costs involved. It may be nominal, but kind of like the gofundme page that my friend set up for my health, unless you already have a huge social media presence (which I do not) you have to market the page in order for people to see it ie: fb marketing, twitter boasts etc...
In regards to a supplement company. I take so many things by so many different companies and none of them work that well, that I can boast about it. Mainly because someone in my severe condition isn't taking them like a normal person would, to supplement. They're just barely keeping me out of the hospital, and they won't forever.
When I get to see my homeopathist, she grows her own herbs. The potency is far stronger than anything you can buy over the counter. It's basically medicine, just medicine that works and without side-effects.
You'll never meet anyone more comfortable in those dark places than myself, nor will you ever meet someone that knows exactly what you're talking about in regards to pushing through the darkness and realizing that there is light in every bit of black; I use these metaphors over and over in my poetry.
Lastly, about writing a book. I'll never self publish, I have my reasons. I do have two books that I could put together very quickly if I had a publisher interested, one of poetry and one of quotations. I'll never write about my life though, I've tried several times, it's too depressing for me, I just can't do it. I have posted 100 times over the past 2 decades in message boards and on blogs about my condition and how homeopathy literally saved my life, but that was just to help others, not something that could be monetized.
It takes money to make money, but any money I have, or receive I need to put toward my health.
the girl with a pipe ⋅ January 10, 2018
It's nuts what you have endured. The fact that you're still here writing and fighting says a lot about who you are.
Exhumed By Scrying Eyes the girl with a pipe ⋅ January 10, 2018
Too weak to give up (is how it feels). Am very, very tired... I'll tell you that much.
the girl with a pipe Exhumed By Scrying Eyes ⋅ January 11, 2018
I believe that. I'm curious about what you do to take care of the emotional aspect of your well-being. When I had very unhappy guts (I couldn't even eat rice without diarrhea) I realized that if I didn't leave my marriage it would kill me. Sure enough, when I did it began to heal. But then other things happened and my guts were still somewhat compromised. It wasn't until I dealt with some long standing emotional shackles and chains that I really began to heal. The entire process was exhausting and there were many times when I almost threw in the towel so to speak. So I understand where your head may be at. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there will always be more stones to flip over to look for answers and that often it's when we are at our most worn out state that the greatest answers an inspiration come. For me, the rocks I resisted turning the most were the ones related to my emotional past.
Exhumed By Scrying Eyes the girl with a pipe ⋅ January 12, 2018
I suffer... mostly.
I just deal.
It is true that there is a brain-gut connection. My homeopathist is very big on that. When I'm not so sick, just living my life is helpful because I love working. When I have consistent work, I'm never happier. (Hopefully it pays) therein lies the crux of my career, potential clients just don't know how much things cost and how necessary certain things are so they offer you next to nothing or ask you to work for free. Oh you have a camera, you must be able to do everything. If only it were that easy!
The reality is, the depression is extremely bad because I can't do anything that I enjoy. Even if I could say, go out and do a nature hike and take photo's... over the past year I lost my car, had to sell my two best camera lenses (both I would use for nature photography) and my editing laptop broke so I can't do any post processing. All in all, I'm very sad.
So, i just sit in pain and be miserable.
the girl with a pipe Exhumed By Scrying Eyes ⋅ January 13, 2018
I get what depression and loss does. It can break a person. I got out of an abusive marriage and the getting out part was at times more traumatic than being in it with chronic suffering and abuse.
Somewhere in of all of that, I lost my connection to my art. Every time I picked up a brush I would just cry...like it was still attached to a part of me that was very, very broken. In the meantime, my acrylic paints started to solidify from age, and I lost faith in my abilities.
The only way through is to find a new groove that fits with your life as it exists. I started creating art by digital means, and began to focus on other aspects of my life as a creative endeavour. Making myself well, pursuing a career and putting money aside for the future became driving forces....but I still struggle with the loss of my art. Although, it's getting easier to be more Zen about it as time passes.
Some say life is art...but paying the bills is another matter. If only there were some way to monetise your life experience as it is. You're a storyteller...what about blogging about your criticism of the healthcare system; supporting others going through the same bullshit as you? Use social media to tell your story and appeal to a supplement company for funding if you advertise for them? Write a book about your condition and the power of the will to live?
What can you do with what you have right now?
Even in the darkest places there is always a tiny bit of light. You don't have to solve all of your problems at once, but you've made it this far which is pretty incredible. I know from experience that the only way out of those darkest places is through them. Accept where you are, strive for better, and little by little, just keep pushing.
Exhumed By Scrying Eyes the girl with a pipe ⋅ January 13, 2018
All I want to do is film. I love directing so much and the guys that I shoot with who are back in FL. I'll never divert to another creative area as a full time gig. My corpse making was a side gig of creativity, but it's such a niche market it was difficult to sustain, now impossible with my health what it is, besides it had a sickeningly low profit margin. I just did it for the sake of creating and it made people happy (my customers).
I would love to make money again, but right now I'm so sick I can barely type. Responding to you so far in this note has taken 40 minutes as of right now.
Between you and I... I have no will to live. Zero. Don't get me wrong, there's a million and one things I still want to do. The only reason I'm still here (well... reasons) are.
Of course that's not easy. The environmental project is the lesser expensive one to produce, and I do actually have someone that might be able to get a trailer to the right person at a network, but you still have to make that trailer. To do so (on the low end) you're looking at $5k - 7500k. Peanuts, in terms of tv, but still a lot of money. I've always lived paycheck to paycheck, so saving was difficult, and the one part of my job that I am weakest at is raising funds. There are so many crappy movies being made, terrible tv shows that you'd think it'd be easy especially when you have ideas that will save lives and make the world a better place, I wish!
When it comes to blogging, there are costs involved. It may be nominal, but kind of like the gofundme page that my friend set up for my health, unless you already have a huge social media presence (which I do not) you have to market the page in order for people to see it ie: fb marketing, twitter boasts etc...
In regards to a supplement company. I take so many things by so many different companies and none of them work that well, that I can boast about it. Mainly because someone in my severe condition isn't taking them like a normal person would, to supplement. They're just barely keeping me out of the hospital, and they won't forever.
When I get to see my homeopathist, she grows her own herbs. The potency is far stronger than anything you can buy over the counter. It's basically medicine, just medicine that works and without side-effects.
You'll never meet anyone more comfortable in those dark places than myself, nor will you ever meet someone that knows exactly what you're talking about in regards to pushing through the darkness and realizing that there is light in every bit of black; I use these metaphors over and over in my poetry.
Lastly, about writing a book. I'll never self publish, I have my reasons. I do have two books that I could put together very quickly if I had a publisher interested, one of poetry and one of quotations. I'll never write about my life though, I've tried several times, it's too depressing for me, I just can't do it. I have posted 100 times over the past 2 decades in message boards and on blogs about my condition and how homeopathy literally saved my life, but that was just to help others, not something that could be monetized.
It takes money to make money, but any money I have, or receive I need to put toward my health.
Marg ⋅ January 11, 2018
How did you do those snow imprints? I can't figure it out! Are you far right?
Exhumed By Scrying Eyes Marg ⋅ January 12, 2018
Honestly, it is simply pushing your face directly into the snow. Only thing is, the imprint is really noticeable until you take a photo, that's when it pops!
Marg Exhumed By Scrying Eyes ⋅ January 13, 2018
The bit I can't figure out is do you have to go under the snow to do it? Like where is the body? I'm sure I'm not envisaging this right!
Exhumed By Scrying Eyes Marg ⋅ January 13, 2018
The snow was piled on top of a car, so you just bend over and put your face in the snow. Simple as that. Imagine your kitchen sink full of water and you submerge your face in it, same thing.
Marg Exhumed By Scrying Eyes ⋅ January 14, 2018
Yes but how do you get a photo of that? That's the bit which is confusing me! You'd be on the wrong side wouldn't you?
Exhumed By Scrying Eyes Marg ⋅ January 16, 2018
I think you're thinking too much. After you put your face in the snow, you take out your cell phone and just take a picture. How would you take a picture of a snow angel you just made? You go in the snow, make the angel then get up and take a picture of it. it's literally the same thing. It looks weird and cool and unique, but it's really just very simple.
Marg Exhumed By Scrying Eyes ⋅ January 16, 2018
Ah now it makes sense! I knew I was missing something - I thought the faces had to actually be IN the snow when you took the picture - that's what I couldn't figure out!
Gilraent ⋅ January 11, 2018
I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. I cannot imagine the toll it has taken on your mental well being. I wish I could contribute to the funding. To be able to get back to the naturopath seems like the best course of treatment for you.
::gentle hugs::
Exhumed By Scrying Eyes Gilraent ⋅ January 12, 2018
You suffer every bit as much in different ways, but you know depression and you're right... all of this most definitely takes its toll. I suffer with major depression even when I'm well, so yeah... I'm really fighting it hardcore these days... these past 2 years really.. If I hadn't been through all that I've been through, I probably wouldn't survive it. I still may not, but it won't be because of depression at any rate.
Thank you. :) Yes, she's looking forward to seeing me and I her. It's a difficult situation being away and so sick.
One of the best ways to contribute is to share the gfm page with your social network. fb, ig, twitter, whatever... That's my biggest problem, my social media reach is only so big, I can post and post and post, but only the same people are going to see it. If others post and ask their friends and family to post it and so on... then maybe you start seeing results. It's not easy, that's for sure!
Gilraent Exhumed By Scrying Eyes ⋅ January 13, 2018
Give me the link and I'll gladly share it. I even belong to a gofundme group on fb where you can post them :)
Exhumed By Scrying Eyes Gilraent ⋅ January 13, 2018
Gladly, and thank you so very much, every bit helps and I'm eternally grateful for every share!
https://www.gofundme.com/jayeeryk
Gilraent Exhumed By Scrying Eyes ⋅ January 13, 2018
Shared, tweeted, and shared :)
Exhumed By Scrying Eyes Gilraent ⋅ January 13, 2018
(hug) Thank you. :)
Leanne 🌈 ⋅ January 11, 2018
((((Hugs))))
Exhumed By Scrying Eyes Leanne 🌈 ⋅ January 12, 2018
If your hands are cold it's because I have an ice pack on my back. ;)
Leanne 🌈 Exhumed By Scrying Eyes ⋅ January 12, 2018
😁