Someone I have know since I was five years old posted something on Facebook this morning that rubbed me the wrong way.
WHEN WILL WE ALL UNDERSTAND THAT DRUGS KILL? HOW MANY HAVE TO DIE FOR PEOPLE TO GET IT THROUGH THEIR THICK SKULLS? DONT TRY THEM. DONT TOUCH THEM. DONT GO NEAR PEOPLE THAT DO THEM.
I want to start off by saying that I am not a drug user. I've never done any kind of drugs. I've never even smoked a cigarette. When I was in middle school and high school, I was the one my group of friends labeled straight edge. I may not have done any drugs but I was friends with people that did. My logic was that they were able to make their own choices and as long as they didn't do anything to hurt me, I wasn't going to judge. I still feel that way. I can't make decisions for other people. We are adults who make our own choices. Does that mean I wish my friends weren't involved in drugs? Yes. I wish they weren't only for their own health and safety. But as long as they aren't involving me in their drug induced escapes, I'm not going to stop spending time with them.
Most of my friends that were involved in drugs have moved on from that habit. Or I've lost touch with them because they ended up in jail or rehab. But one particular friend of mine, Andrea, has had a constant struggle with addition for several years. She is someone I've known since I was 5. Our older brothers were in boy scouts together. We were in Girl Scouts together. We were inseparable throughout middle school and high school. She was one of the top flute players in NJ. She had music scholarships. She was going places. But she got involved with a girl who was heavily involved in drugs and got swept up into that world. She was in love with a woman, for the time time she was comfortable enough to come out of the closet and be true to herself. But the crowd she started running with detoured her ambitions. And soon she had passed up her scholarship and ended up down a difficult road.
She slowly started alienated her friends. None of us could understand how she detoured her life so drastically. We couldn't understand how she could change her life so much for another person, especially a person who was controlling and unpleasant to be around. But despite the changes my friend was dealing with in her life, we remained friends. She was in a rough point in her life and making some poor decisions. But I loved her and I wasn't giving up on a friendship just because I didn't agree with her decisions. I am not going to lie and say we were inseparable. We actually were lucky if we hung out a few times a year. But there were calls occasionally and a few meetings in random places in our town. Despite the lack of communication, we had the type of friendship that could prevail. I knew that I could count on her when it really mattered.
She was in that downward spiral for years. It got worse as time went on. She ended up getting into a really bad car accident which got her addicted to painkillers. Which lead to the heavy heroin use. Which led to other drugs I'm not familiar with. She couldn't admit she had a serious problem. She started alienating her friends and family. Most of the people from our circle of friends walked away from her. They couldn't understand why she did not just STOP using the drugs. She knew she was not doing a good thing for herself but she was addicted. She couldn't seem to stop. Those of us who did stick by her tried to help. We did interventions, talks, tried to encourage rehab, help, therapy, etc. Nothing worked long term. We even had to make the difficult decision to tell her parents what was going on. Hearing and seeing her father cry was one of the most painful things I've ever had to endure. They were watching their daughter slip away and there was nothing they could do. It was breaking my heart too. I hated that I was so helpless.
I didn't understand her or her addition. It was completely out of my comprehension. But I knew she didn't need me to judge. She needed me to support her. And sometimes all I did was listen when she wanted to talk. We didn't hang out in person often because she was respectful of me and didn't want to expose me to her world. I appreciate that. She didn't drag me into it. She knew I had a family and I couldn't be exposed. But that didn't mean I had to give up on her. I supported her by phone calls, facebook messages, occasional meetings at her house with her parents there, etc. I listened, I encouraged her to get clean, I helped research rehab facilities, etc. But she had to want to do it for herself.
She ended up getting in some serious trouble with police, courts and probation. She is lucky to be alive due to several close calls. But one day something woke her up. She reached her rock bottom. She almost died. And she got in serious legal trouble. She knew it was time for some real changes. She started going to a program. Outpatient rehab. She cut out negative people from her life. Every single day is a constant struggle for her. She will always be tempted. She will always have people judging her for her poor choices. She has a lot of things to do to regain trust for her parents and friends. But she has never blamed anyone but herself for her situation. She acknowledges that she made her bed and she has to lie in it. She knows it is an addiction and she will always struggle. But she is working hard to move forward. And earlier this week I went to dinner with her. She is celebrating 8 months of sobriety. I couldn't be more proud of her.
Which brings me to the comment on Facebook from other friend of mine. Andrew. Andrea, Andrew, Chris (another close friend) and I were very close. Chris and I didn't agree with Andrea's drug use but we still supported her as friends during her struggle. But Andrew decided that he didn't want to know her at all anymore. He no longer wanted to be involved in her life in any capacity. I couldn't understand how he could turn his back on someone who was one of his best friends. He didn't have to be around her in person. I understand not being involved in someone who might have drugs on them. But he could be a friend through calls or texts. But he washed his hands of her.
He is still friends with her on Facebook so she saw that post. She explained to him that drug use is an addition. But he said that she never should have started in the first place so everything stemmed from that decision. It was judgemental and hypocrital. He had no idea what life was like for her. And how hard it was for her to stop doing the drugs. And it was especially condesending coming from him since he had used some recreational drugs when we were younger. He just didn't become addicted like Andrea. But it could have been him. He could have ended up on the same path. But he was able to walk away. Not everyone can. Sometimes as a teenager you think you are invinsible and nothing will affect you. I'm sure Andrea thought that the first time she tried a recreational drug. I'm sure had she know the spiral it would cause, she never would have tried it. But hindsight is 20/20. All you can do is learn from your mistakes.
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