When I was around 9 years old I met my neighbor at my new school, I know it may sound weird! but he lived at the other side of the street so we never crossed ( My family and I just socialized with 4 or 5 of our neighbors hahaha) >~< plus, his mother was a lawyer with a bitchy face (she is actually nice btw) and his father lived in another state (yes, they divorced) so whenever he wasn’t in school period he would be at his father’s.
Before my entrance to that school,my mom use to drive me to school and as he would take the school bus, at least an hour before I would jump off the bed (that was around 5 am cuz’ classes started at 8) I had never even seen him before and he neither.
So, the classes began and He was there in my group. I though he was kind of lovely with those blushed cheeks when I sat next to him after introducing myself to everyone. I was nervous as hell cuz’ that was a very closed school, everyone had been there from the very beginning and I was the new one, not only unusual for that but also for my height and weigh (I’m quite tall and chubby, nowadays a little bit less chubby from how I was during those years) so I had a hard time making new friends. [Thinking about it… That’s also something I would love to write about in another entry. My first official group of friends was a terrible experience and although my actual friends are something to admire I have never managed to forget about bad experiences, not only with that group also with other “people” so yes, I’ll write about friends.]
Later on during the first month of classes my mom found a job, so I had to take the school bus back home cuz’ she couldn’t pick me up anymore.
When we were the last ones on the bus, when we were walking side to side down the avenue to our street…till that very last moment did I realize we were neighbors.
After that I had enough with two weeks to find out how nice he was, he wouldn’t look away when talking with me, and the school bus became my favorite part of the day. We use to talk about many things in the few minutes we had when walking home.
As in all drama story, the climax arrived: my classroom realized how foolishly I was into him and as naturally happens he noticed that too. The thing is that he never treated me differently for that. I was prepared for the worse you know? Like all the disgusting things he or his friends could say about my aspect, or the “so lame” girls would whisper at my back. However… it never occurred. He was just so gentle… he didn’t have those kind of feelings for me but respected mine throughout all.
Me, well, I’ve always been kind of shy when it comes to the guys I like, I’m able to fluently and eloquently talk with anyone but if is THE guy then I just can’t!! So I never mentioned the subject with him, I never asked.
He knew it and I knew he knew it, but we both pretended not to know. Kid’s thing.
And years went by, 10 for being exact, and during those years… we went to different schools and whenever We would meet by chance in the groceries store, or church, or just at the street, all that would happen would be a plain “hi! how you doin’?” a little chit chat and a “bye” or “see ya”.
I was in love with him, but I knew I had no chance.
I had some other crushes in high school but they never worked, Is not like I really cared about it… I had my first boyfriend, like for a week hahaha [Another thing I will talk about in another entry “boyfriends”] but not that really mattered.... I was still into him.
After those 10 years he made a party and I was invited!! No need to say I was extremely excited!!! In that party all our old classmates reunite, we talked about the past and obviously past loves. He and I of course were one of the mentioned couples. And for the first time I didn’t deny it.
The party continued and the “speech moment” arrived. He said to us that he had went through a heavy depression, that almost brought him down and that he had finally found the strength he needed to overcome it “I now have a beautiful girlfriend and having my old friends here, makes the perfect cure” he said.
That broke my heart.
Later during that night I drank as there wasn’t a next day, I was feeling energetic while Dancing and jumping around. We were all drunk as fuck and we decided to play a game “truth or dare” (or is “dare or true”? hahaha I don’t know) and everything came out…
10 long years and I couldn’t move on.
A classmate dared us so…We kissed.
He looked at me like asking for permission. I froze and that was it, he touched my cheek and kissed me softly very quickly just to do it.
That was my first kiss… with my 10 year old love from school… and it wasn’t magical.
I just felt empty cuz’ he and my friends from “then” just looked at me like it had not been a big deal, continuing the game while I was feeling a lot inside…when for me it was almost a dream come true but something didn’t feel right, I always dreamed that my first kiss would be with someone who loved me back.
I felt like never in my life would I find a guy who thinks I’m pretty and kisses me, not because he has to, but because he desires to. And that idea has been with me since then.
That night the love I felt for him dissipated. He knew what It meant for me and yet he did it....
How cruel.
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