Said I would write more lol in 2018

Well today went alright I suppose. Long story short for work…I had yesterday off. And there was a cooler/freezer truck. Today I went in at 8 expecting to build bikes…guess what? The team didn’t finish the work, so instead of doing what I was supposed to do I ended up getting part of the job caught up. So if I have a day off....shit doesn’t get done. You imagine that would suggest there is an issue. Shit, the 4 hour shifts spread out around the people I had there today....yikes. They barely managed anything while I got them caught up. I had to remind them of daily routines they are supposed to do.....They should be scared of when I move away.

Then, I stop at my sisters with my mother, and I want to get home to game a few rounds with the guys. It takes fucking forever to get them to shut the fuck up and let me leave. Annoyed the hell out of me.

So…mother pissed me the fuck off the other night. My phone had been dead all day and she sends a million texts and because my phone had been off she assumed I was ignoring her and shit. So I got into a fit of rage, and was in a very well fuck it mood. And I asked her about things. In …probably not the most tactful way.

So I’m basically raging and have had a few figure fuck it I’ll ask. Hope I don’t bother you with it or you take it the wrong way but where do we stand? We don’t talk as much. I feel that all this family shit is nearing a conclusion. I know where i stand but at the same time I don’t want to be somewhere in not wanted. Part of why I hate it here. You know damn well I care about you and I just have no read on you at all. I’m not gonna lie I’ve thought about how to ask this shit and I’ve had my mind run wild. I worry. I worry about being an after thought or just being that guy that is basically a tool. Been there done that. Sorry. I just don’t k now how to ask these things especially when I don’t really have a right to. I’m an asshole. I’ve taken way to long to be there. And I probably deserve to be an after thought. So be it. At least I’ll know where i stand. This all is coming across as super bitchy I’m sure. Last time we even talked about it you said you weren’t in a spot for a relationship and you didn’t think our goals lined up or what have you. But you also said that you didn’t want to talk about it And you had that in your head for awhile And that’s why I worry about if you hide shit to try and protect me…does that make sense. Or to save me from another bit of shit. And I do wonder about that from time to time. Idk. My mind is a jumbled fucking mess and I have way too much shit hanging by threads for too long. I apologize. Hopefully I won’t remember this…im totally going to feel like an ass after sending this. ❤

That is what I sent, and she responded. I’d rather leave it to between me and her, but she reassured me. She said the things I needed to hear, and I completely believe all she told me. And I think in the next few months I will be working towards moving closer to her. I worry and stress and think too much, and I think I have had way too much shit weighing on my shoulders. Lots of negative bullshit. But, she did what she does. And eased not necessarily all of my worries, but eased my primary concerns.

Anyway. Roxie is barking at me sooo…BED TIME.

King out.