New Year, life goes on in The Long and Winding Road

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, comments and even prayers (I’m not a prayerful person but I appreciate prayers) for the loss of Jackie. It was a sad night. It started Saturday afternoon when Sarah texted a picture to me of David and Addi in a movie theater lobby with a bag of popcorn – Addi’s first movie theater experience! And she said “Thing are not looking good across the pond. Jackie has stopped eating, and she isn’t talking”. So I knew that meant things were nearing an end. My dad lived six days after he stopped eating, but definitely his hospice nurses told us that when they stop eating. that’s a significant indicator of end of life.

A few hours later, at 7:30 our time (3:30 am UK Time) Sarah called and said hospice called the family to come – said Jackie was having trouble breathing. They had her on morphine. They called Ken, her husband. He has completely shut down throughout this process. He called his daughter Michelle, and he said he was not going to the hospice because it was so windy outside. See what I mean? The funny (not funny haha) thing is that Michelle and Richard were already up and getting ready to go to hospice because Michelle just sensed that something wasn’t right. So they swing by and picked up Ken and they all went to hospice, where Jackie died a couple of hours later as they all stood around and held her hands.

Even when you know what is coming, it is incredibly painful. I could not stop crying. Sarah and I cried on the phone together. I had a good talk with David, who held himself together while we were on the phone. He said he was drinking a whiskey toast to his mother. Sarah commented in the background that if we really wanted an appropriate toast to Jackie we would be toasting with sherry. None of us had any though. I went and poured a shot of brandy and we all had a toast to her.

We’re all doing better now. It will be a few days before S&D (and Addison) fly over to the UK. Because of the holiday, things are moving a little more slowly than they usually would. They need a death certificate to try to get bereavement air fare, even though none of us are sure that even exists anymore. They have good friends who are ready to put them up for their visit. It will give them a day or two back at work after the long holiday, to sort things out and arrange to be gone.

So. That’s where we are. I waited until all of their family had the news, and until after Michelle posted the news on Facebook, before I put up my own post in hour of Jackie. And I didn’t tag any family members in my post. I figure if Sarah or David want it on FB for their friends, it’s up to them to put it there. I shared a few pictures there though, so quite few of you have seen these already but I share them here too.

Here is Jackie on my deck at my townhouse, the day before the wedding when we had a big family pre-wedding barbecue.

Here is the infamous moment when we shared a glass of wine while watching our children get married to one another:

So. We carry on, we live. Grateful to be doing so.

Going back in time a few days..... Brian (I’m just going to stop calling him Michael, because I’ve slipped up so many times in this diary and called him by his real name) texted me this picture of Eileen’s surviving cat with the catnip toy I gave her. Maybe it’s my imagination, but I think she looks sad.

Meanwhile – I don’t THINK I wrote about this already – Eileen found these really cute puppy sweaters at Ross (where I never go) and she asked if I wanted them. They are totally not a style I would ever have chosen, but I love them! And they were only $6.00 apiece!! My glamour girls in their faux leopard print! Again – not a style I have EVER been into but I really love these sweaters (and it’s hard to get a good picture of them, so bear with me).

So. On Saturday night after I got the news about Jackie’s passing, I texted Brian to let him know. He was at Eileen’s because he had promised to make dinner for her after her cat passed away. They each texted me and said they really wanted to come over and give me a hug and have a drink. It was almost 10:00 pm. I said okay, so they came over. We did have some good hugs and a good drink and some tears and some laughter. During the 30-45 minute visit, Eileen mentioned that there was a Seahawks game the next day and it would really be nice if we could all watch it together. We knew that if we lost, and/or if the Falcons won, we would be out of any playoff hopes. So we kind of knew it would be our last game of the season. She said it started at 1:30 and she again said she would love it if we would all watch it together. I said that sounded good, but let’s see how we were all feeling the next day (Sunday), in terms of our sadness, general mood, etc.

Well, I woke up on Sunday and felt better, so I texted both of them pretty early and said I’d enjoy having them come over to watch the game with me – nothing fancy, no big deal, just the game, some cheese and crackers and wine.

Well, Brian came over, but Eileen never did. The whole reason I put it together was because of her really asking if we could watch it together. Long story short, she never came over and I was kind of pissed. Sometimes, Eileen is all about Eileen and the world lives on Eileen time. Brian asked me not to make a big deal of it or “she will make my life miserable”, but this was not about Brian. I sent her a text later in the evening in which I said “Where are you? The game is just about over, I thought you wanted to watch it together.” She said “Didn’t Brian get my text?”. I said “I don’t know, but I didn’t hear from you, and the invitation came from me”. She said she was really sorry, but she got my message late, and she was trying to get ready for a party in downtown Seattle, and she was taking the bus, so she needed more time. “Sorry to disappoint.” I told her that Brian asked me not to make a big deal of it but, the only reason I planned a get together was because she asked for it, so I didn’t appreciate her saying she got my message late and that she had other plans.

So that’s how it was left, so I guess now there is some tension between us. But honestly, I am just not in the mood to put up with her being so self-absorbed. Maybe I’m being too harsh – I probably am – so, whatever. I’m just going with that for now. (There are several women neighbors that I am friends with, who have told me that they more or less distanced themselves from Eileen because the only time they ever heard from her was when she needed something. I understand where they are coming from, but I have never been in that boat. She has been a good friend to me, I’m just kinda irritated at this current situation).

New Year’s Eve was very quiet for me which is how I wanted it. I tried to watch the New Year’s Eve show from Times Square but OMG, I couldn’t stand it. The comedians weren’t funny, the music sucked, and just in general, I realized I am too damn old for that show. What a waste of time. So I turned it off and went to bed at 10:30, where I very blissfully and peacefully slept through the end of 2017 and the beginning of 2018.

So, here we are. In my time zone it’s about 12 hours into the new year and so far I have to say it’s been a pretty good one! I’m going to start watching Season 2 of “The Crown”, I think. Tomorrow starts the new year at work and I have a lot of projects to tackle. I’m dreading some of them, but I’m determined to dive into them. If I can’t retire, and I have to work for the foreseeable future, I need to try to be the best I can be at everything I do.

Speaking of that kind of thing, I ordered a delivery from Hungryroot for next week. Their new healthy menu looks really good. Ha. I’ve been there before, many times, and you all know it. But never say die. Right?

I think the fire I started at 6:30 this morning is finally dying out. i need to decide whether to poke it and try to bring it back to life, or let it die out, and start another one later. (I just poked it, no luck. New fire later).

So.... I guess there are things we should think about, and focus on, and say, to mark the end of one year and the beginning of a new one. What I want to say is, how much I appreciate having shared another year with such good friends here. I made a few new friends here this past year, and I am grateful for that – looking forward to spending more years getting to know one another. Thank you all for your support through thick and thin, through good times and bad, through good moods and bitchiness, through stress and angst and sickness and worry. I’m not really a big believer that a new year makes a big difference – it’s really just another sunrise, another new day, to me – but there IS a psychological component to it and room for hope and a feeling of renewal. So that’s what I wish for you all, and I hope 2018 brings us all health and prosperity, and the strength to deal with whatever adversity comes our way. Love and hugs to you all. xoxo.