The rule from my mother regarding bedtimes starting at probably around age 12 was that she wanted us in our bedrooms at around 10:00 each night. We could stay up if we wanted, we just had to be in our rooms. It wasn’t a strict time, and if we were up until 10:30 or so she wouldn’t say anything. After that she might remind me that it was time for bed, but still it wouldn’t be a big deal. Most nights I was more than happy to be in bed by 10:00 anyway.
Not long after my sister was given authority to punish me, one evening at about 8:30 she turned to me and said she wanted me to me and said she wanted me to be in bed by 9:00 that night. I didn’t really know how to react at first. I wasn’t sure if just because she had authority to punish me it meant that she could make new rules for me. But I was oddly intrigued by the idea, so I nodded and agreed, and started getting ready for bed.
She followed me to my room to confirm I actually went to bed. She said she wanted me in bed with the lights off, not just in my room. I was in bed at about 8:50 and she walked away. A few minutes later she came back into my room. She said she’d been thinking about it and wanted this to be the new rule. From then on, I would be required to be in bed each night at 9:00. She’d let me stay up on weekends until 10:00.
In that short amount of time, she had come up with a whole new schedule for me. She and I had argued for years about the fact that we both wanted to take a shower at the same time every morning, and neither of us wanted to take a shower at night instead. She was putting an end to that with a new rule.
She wanted me to start getting ready for bed every night at 8:00. This hour was to be spent showering, brushing my teeth, getting into my pajamas, and then this ritual of saying good night to my mother and then to my sister, something I’d never really done before.
The next night at 8:00, I did exactly what I had been told to do, I showered, brushed my teeth, and then put on my PJs. Then my sister escorted me to my mother and explained that I was there to say goodnight. My mother opened her arms for a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then she said “I love you” and I said it back to her. Then my sister escorted me to bed.
This was my normal evening routine for years.
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