It’s late and morning’s in no hurry
But sleep won’t set me free
I lie awake and try to recall
How your body felt beside me
When silence gets too hard to handle
And the night too long
This is how I see you
In the snow on Christmas morning
Love and happiness surround you
As you throw your arms up to the sky
I keep this moment by and by
Oh I miss you now, my love
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas, my love
Probably the most depressing yet beautiful Christmas songs ever. I don’t know the origin of the song, or its exact meaning. I first heard it while going through a divorce eleven years ago. Heartbroken.
The strangest thing is I don’t feel a thing for X2. You were right babe. Time and distance.
Now the song only reminds me of Audrey. How we would lay in bed and watch the snow fly.
Love-us interuptus I suppose. Of all the people I have ever had in my life, she is the one I miss the most. The kindest, sweetest person I have ever met.
I suppose that is why I can’t let go. She did what she had to do. She explained it all. She never betrayed me. And she ached as much as I did.
Our last conversation on my birthday in 2011 ended with us both sobbing on the phone.
Finally I asked her “Is this goodbye?” After a long two minutes she answered. “No. Perhaps a so long?” And my heart broke again.
She didn’t see a way out, and I couldn’t fault her for prioritizing her children.
She is the one that got away, in the vernacular. She is the one I was supposed to be with.
And she is the one I will always miss.
Forgive me for being pathetic.
Oh I miss you now, my love
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas, my love

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