meant to be? in General Chatterboxing

In therapy yesterday, well any day, my mindpretty much wanders from thing to thing to thing. I flitter, fast. a lot. I got on the topic of taking photos and my last photo session. I come off of a photo session with a bit of a high, I super happy feeling that i just know its what im meant to be doing. I was actually in tears trying to describe this feeling of how it makes me feel. She says its because i feel like im in control, i dont feel in ctonrol of my life and thats one aspect i can control ( true, i am the boss lol) But also its such an outlet. I love creating not just a photo, but a story, its not a picture, its a story of who you are, of who my client is as a whole. I told the mom, anyone can sit and smile for a camera, do that with your phone camera, i dont want that, i want more. I want the connection, i want the you thats inside. I want your dynamic, your hobbies, the aspects of YOU that you dont always want to show. I want it all. Good, bad ugly, REAL. I am in control. I dont feel like i know what im doing with the rest of my life, but for those few moments i DO know what im doing, i do know who i am, i know where im supposed to be, and where im going. I know my move, my next move and the one after. I Dont doubt me, i just do it. And they follow because i dont have any doubt. That is me.
Its the only time i feel that way. And it feels good.

In other news surgery is scheduled for the 29th on my right arm. Left arm to follow. No more arm pain in a few months, hopefully! Shuts down ALL work for a while. But oh well. At least i wont hurt anymore.