Sleep and work in Journal

I just awoke from an epic stretch of sleep - nearly non-stop for 17 hours. I appreciate the circumstances of my life that currently allow this. Having this room for rest is the flip-side of the anxiety-provoking uncertainty of breakdown-induced life loss. I am not going to waste it by feeling guilty; rather I will be deeply grateful for every moment of inactivity.

Last Sunday, I met with my classmates for our Abnormal Psych group project. Most of us are older students. One woman, C., I’ve been particularly drawn to since the start of class for her spunky, outspoken personality and radical viewpoints. She has one of those perpetually young-looking baby faces, round and bright, and when she smiles, it lights up.

We got to talking about stress and juggling jam-packed schedules. C. rattled off an extraordinary number of things on her plate, and I laughed and said, “I’m envious. I don’t know how you people do it - having a full-time job, full-time schooling, and other activities on top!” I’m easily overwhelmed with what others would consider a light plate - part-time schooling and part-time work.

She turned to me, her beautiful brown eyes wide and serious and said, “Oh no. No, no. This is not something to envy. This is sick. This is capitalistic bullshit.”

Immediately I knew this was why I myself was so opposed to the common American fetish for overwork - to hear it validated aloud by someone else felt good, as I’m too often lonely in my world, the one I’ve carved for myself to escape from the illogical pressures of long-held traditions.

I’m not opposed to hard work. I just cannot stand inefficiency and illogical systems. The fact that the average 9-5 worker is productive only a minority of the time makes me crazy. Why be enslaved to a location, under the watch of others, around people you don’t particularly care for, when you aren’t truly working the entire time?

“Because you have to, because that’s what everyone does, because that’s life.” I refuse to accept those answers. And I vow to do everything in my power to break down this illusion of necessity.