The Beginning in The Adventures of Sugarbear and Cupcake

So here goes. The start of the new me. I hope. I know it’ll take a lot of work to get to the person I want to be but it’s worth it. Call me Cupcake. My boyfriend is Sugarbear. My dog is Jack. I’m 35 years old and I feel like I’m really just starting to live, in a way. But better late than never. I weigh currently 230 pounds. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been (although I’ve never been skinny). I am going to work out every day. At least do something. I’m on Weight Watchers but have been on it for a year now and haven’t really committed to working it. Well, the time for being lazy about it is over. This journal will also help me keep track of my progress. At least that’s the goal. I’ve started over so many times now it’s ridiculous. I feel like time is running out for “second chances”. I want to take control of my life for once instead of just coasting along like I’ve done for pretty much my whole life up to this point. These entries will probably run the spectrum of emotions and tones and subjects. But I’m hoping it’ll also serve as a kind of therapy. Sugarbear and I just started (well, we technically signed up in May) to have out own online business. We haven’t really been treating it like a business though. But I want to. I’m scared I won’t have what it takes, and right now I’m kinda scared to talk to people. But we need this. We have goals and dreams and this opportunity can get us there. I’ve made some life changing decisions over this past year and that’s good. But I can’t stall out here. I’ve got to keep pushing myself. I’ve got a long way to go. And I’m angry at myself for not taking the action I know I need to take before now. I guess that’s really what I’m feeling right now…angry. But tomorrow is the start of my new life. I can’t dwell on past mistakes. So.....tomorrow’s goals? Clean my house, take care of the dogs in my care (I have a pet sitting business as well), say “Hi” to at least 5 new people and start conversations. Oh, and exercise and eat right. At least stick to my allowed smartpoints. I know I can do this. (Ok maybe I don’t but I’ll prove to myself that I can). It seems like most of my life has been lived in fear and self doubt. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I also want to build my relationship with God. Cause really, without Him, nothing’s gonna happen. Anyway, that’s enough for the night. Time to relax a bit and get my mind right for tomorrow. Until then.