So this afternoon, I logged onto OpenDiary to catch up on my fav's (some of whom moved here long ago, I suspect), and learned that OD was shutting down. I'm going to stay public for bit so people can find me (like Bound and Tied, Pandora, Jasper, etc.).
It's kind of sad. OpenDiary was such a wonderful community, where the notes were always intended to be supportive (well, mostly), unlike the comments on many news stories.
I'm a middle-aged female professional with a job and wife I love very much. OpenDiary chronicled my long road to this point in my life, where I've finally gotten everything I "deserve". I haven't had nearly as much "drama" in the last several years after finally breaking up with someone that I should never have been with so long -- except that it filled the time until the love of my life got out of a relationship and could come back to me! The idea that I might have gotten into a decent relationship and missed the chance to marry my love just astounds me. It could have happened, if only I'd had the guts to give up on someone that I really had no real hope for a future with. But I stayed, or let her stay, and when that breakup finally seemed to be for real (although I'll admit it was a very close call), I reconnected with the woman who is now my wife and never looked back. It's amazing - you really do "know" when you are with the right person. Not because it's perfect, but because you feel this certainty, this calmness, this "okay, I'm here now and this is it" - where your mind doesn't continually question, worry, etc. Not that I didn't have questions - I had a few and they were real, but they were also answered!
And then the real adventure began - the real relationship where you've vowed to stay in it and work our every issue and where you don't dare think about leaving because you regret leaving so long ago (we were together, for a year, shortly before I started my first online diary). When you know you'd never ever let yourself make the mistake of letting her go again. And things are good. Very good. Challenging enough to keep my interest, but the feeling of security, due to having really committed, can't be beat.
I have a lot to say about gay marriage, and why it should be available. I can just point to my life, to my relationship with my wife, and how being with her has helped me, helped her, and in its own way, helped the world. I do what I do professionally, because she was able to help me relocate for my dream job. A job I'd turned down a few years prior, because my then-signif other would not relocate, would not go with me. We live in a "non-equality" state which means we pay more taxes for being a couple but get no benefits. I'm very well established in my job and as high up as I can get without being at risk of losing my job as the result of election results, but I toy with moving to a state that will not discriminate against me because I'm unwilling to marry a man, but want to be married.
It's the ultimate expression of feminism, I suppose. Wanting a partner in life, in a relationship with some legal teeth, but not wanting to belong to a man. People say we are redefining marriage, but isn't every relationship different? Being married just produces some legal obligations and protections, that can apply to a variety of couples, regardless of sex or gender.
I was married to a man once. And I struggled with being far more attracted to women during that very short marriage. I don't think that was fair to him - and I don't think it would be fair to me to say that if I can't manage to have feelings for a man, I must live an unmarried life. Not when marriage is so good for me, so good for anyone who is willing to put their heart into it. My wife takes such good care of me - I'm so much healthier with her than without her. I am more focused on work because I don't worry about my private life anymore. We hang out mostly with other couples who also don't have kids -- there are lots of them -- and find that there is little difference between our life and the lives of other couples- regardless of gender makeup. It angers me that politicians and citizens believe they should be able to prohibit me from having my happy life and to have it be protected - that wI don't have to do anything to still own our property if something happened to one of us. That we have to file something in court to get out (which prevents breakups on whims). Anyway, off the soapbox, and on to finding my diary friends!
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