The Loner in Invisible

Throughout life I have always seen myself as the loner. In middle school and high school I was picked on daily for being the nerd, but I kept hopes that one day all the teasing would no longer matter because in the long run the nerd always wins, or so I thought. I soon learned that to be honest, that is a load of bullshit (pardon my french). Undergrad was an amazing experience where I learned that I am one lucky idiot to still be alive after the stupid shit I did. I was this sheltered girl from a small town which all changed when I learned the wonders of fraternity boys (all assholes for the most part), natty light (aka frat water), insane parties, and good old “Mary Jane.” That phase of stupidity lasted a couple years till I realized, oh shit after graduation comes reality. Thankfully I was always a go getter and I got myself into professional school. What I was not prepared for was the reverse in maturity. I am in moderately large class size of basically glorified middle schoolers. The gossip, the shit talking, the rumors, the cheaters, and of course you have your idiotic groups or shall I say “clics.” Coming from a completely different area and background I knew moving across the country would be difficult because lets be honest not a lot of people tolerate strong personalities well. I figured I should try to be open minded, but of course that did nothing but blow up in my face. I moved to a place where people are so overly politically correct and judgmental that I cannot be myself here. Even though I struggled being the nerd growing up I still became a social butterfly who was adored by people back home. Here people have sticks shoved so far up their assholes that they all believe they are the best thing since sliced bread which is false because to be honest hot, fresh bread is amazing! Here I have nobody to confide in, nobody to vent to, and nobody to listen when I really need a friend. I am independent, but I would be lying if I said that I missed my best friends any less every single minute of the day. Professional school is unfortunately full of spoon fed rich kids who have never worked a hard day in their lives and unfortunately I was never one of them. I came from a hard life, worked two jobs in college to put myself through school, and even lived in my car at one point. When reality sets in the rich kids are the ones who are never able to understand what it is like to struggle and have their worlds turned upside down in a second, but I can. Thankfully, I can say that this has made me the most giving, caring person and that is something I would not change for the world. It is tough to be viewed by your fellow colleagues as negative or very abrasive when in reality all that is different about me is that I am my own person and I am not afraid to show it. This of course has led to me being that person who eats alone, who calls her mom daily just to talk to someone who understands them, and the person who is rarely ever invited anywhere with others. What I have learned in this is that although others may not love me for who I am I love who I am and if that means being alone then so be it. I am that person who will give a total stranger grocery money, who stops to help the elderly cross the street, who gives the homeless my lunch even when I am starving, and the type of person who will give the shirt off my back. I may not have friends in this time, but kind deeds and good hearts last forever.