Realistic Macabre - OctoPhoMo 11 & The Dark Truth in General Mental Anesthesia
- Oct. 11, 2017, 8:50 p.m.
- |
- Public
OctoPhoMo: Coffin or Revolting
COFFIN
A prop I made for my business “Corpse Nation”. Currently (and unfortunately) the website is down due to my failing health.
REVOLTING
One of my hand made custom corpses used at red carpet event. He sat in the vip section during a horror themed production.
Some special effects I did for a zombie short film I wrote & directed for the Abyss Theatre. Yes, I made that intestine. And I wish I kept it because it probably works better than the one I have inside me!
Erryn (The owner of the Abyss Theatre & I having a light snack before a show). Yup, another intestine I made.
A close up of some of my corpse work. I like realism, Halloween should be for adults as well as children! :)
Speaking of my health, I’m just between a rock and a hard place or perhaps in an Iron Maiden makes more sense.
I’m so sick and in so much pain because of the ulcerative colitis that I’m basically bedridden. Sometimes I don’t even have 5 seconds to get to the bathroom.
The Prednisone has caused just as much as damage as the disease itself, yet it’s the only reason I’m still alive. Physically, the joint and muscular pain it’s causing is beyond bad esp considering my existing back injuries which this past week landed me back in the hospital and if you read my post from yesterday, the new Medication Naproxen is just tripling all of the above.
When I’m lying down, the pain lessens slightly in my pelvis / hip / right leg, but as the S1 disc is currently pinching the sciatic nerve, every little movement ends with me teary eyed and screaming. It just won’t relax! Over the past 4 1/2 years I’m used to this, but it never lasts more than 2 days and it’s never happened when my mid/upper back herniated disc is also spasming and because the hospital refused to give me an MRI I still don’t know why my right lung feels like it’s being compressed and causing me to cough and not get air in there. This has been 4 days now and counting.... it’s exhausting.
If I’m perfectly honest, I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow, but of course that wish won’t come true, because I can never get to sleep in the first place.... :(
I have to continually thank everyone for posting / reposting / sharing & of course donating to the HELP SAVE MY LIFE FUND put up by my friend Terri who lost her mom to ulcerative colitis. We’re not close to the goal (which would be remission) but we are only $400 away from me being able to make my 1st appointment with my Dr. (and homeopathist) in Florida.
I’ve dealt with a lot on my life (as we all do) but with so much going on at the same time and getting no relief whatsoever from anything after a 2 year period… 2 years of constant suffering that just worsens every day that you live… it’s getting to be too much for me. I don’t really know how to describe it, but you can kind of feel your heart weakening if that make sense. The strength inside of you, the life force doesn’t feel the same. The human body can only withstand so much.
I don’t know if it’s me talking or the meds or the illnesses or injuries or everything, I just don’t feel well. I’m so fucking tired I can’t even describe it and the only person that I know that can truly help me is so far away…
(sigh…) Surviving is not living.
HalloweenValentine ⋅ October 11, 2017
Dead bodies are something that really freak me out, and your corpses definitely are realistic and creepy as hell! Awesome job as always! It's weird, I used to not be that bothered by anything like that, and I still like my gory movies and learning about odd diseases and surgery. BUT, the older I get, the more sensitive I have become to anything gory or hearing about someone's injury even :/.
And I totally can understand that you would feel worn out :( I hope you wake up tomorrow! But I get where you are coming from, I'm sure I would have that same thought if I were going through anything like that. Keep fighting though. I know it's a generic thing to say. But the world needs more awesome strong people around!
Exhumed By Scrying Eyes HalloweenValentine ⋅ October 12, 2017
Why do you think as you get older you are more sensitive to it, rather than say being more desensitized having seen more gore and all that jazz?
It's 4am... how predictable I've become...
I agree with you, but I don't think I'm that person anymore. I'm defeated.
But I will say that it pleases me to hear that you think I am. If I survive this, I'd like to be that person again.
HalloweenValentine Exhumed By Scrying Eyes ⋅ October 12, 2017
I think I have become more sensitive to it because I'm just getting older, and so I just go through phases of obsessing about it, and keep making myself sick about thinking of dying and imagining my own body rotting. Just realizing I'm a fragile piece of meat with no impact on the world. Blehhh. I've had to deal with lots of people dying when I was younger (teen years). I never saw their bodies though. And the older I get, I am getting afraid of everyone else I know dying. And I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. I'm just getting worse about it as I get older. Its like an extra layer of anxiety (death). Which I know is ridiculous/irrational. And sensitivity of injuries just ties in because realizing how fragile bodies are which goes back to dying. And why does the existence of my consciousness, personality, emotions, soul and all that have to rely on a fragile piece of meat and bones? I don't know if any of that made any sense haha. When I was younger, I suppose it didn't hit as close to home for me, gore, dying, injuries, and I just thought it was intriguing. It still is, but I just tend to dwell on it a bit more for some reason these days. Probably an unhealthy amount of dwelling... but I don't know how to control it
Marg HalloweenValentine ⋅ November 27, 2017
I totally get this! I'm the same as I've got older.