Welp. Goodbye 20s...seems silly to say when I'm not even 25 yet but its basically true. Sure I can still go out and drink and whatnot but when I see friends my age who have kids doing that I secretly judge them and silently curse them for leaving their children with the grandparents all the time. I don't want to be that kind of parent.
The girls invited me out last night. We started at a restaurant where they had drinks and food and I sipped ginger ale and threw up in the bathroom a few times. Sometimes I think my morning sickness isn't that bad until I go out in public and realize its better at home cuz I can puke into a bag or run to the bathroom. At a restaurant I have to actively try not to spew at the table and can't talk much without gagging.
I took some medicine when I was finally allowed my next dosage and it really helped. We left and went to a bar down the street. There were six of us and we got a table and they shared 5 or 6 pitchers. They even did a round of shots and brought me cranberry juice so I could shoot too.
It was nice getting out of the house. It was great seeing friends. Especially Rachael as I havent seen her since I got pregnant. It got lamer the drunker they all got. I forgot how shitty it is being sober when everyone else is shit faced. Ariel got so fucked up she wasn't making any sense and the bar cut her off. Sad.
Sigh. I told myself there just a bunch of college drop out drunks trying to hold on to the good times but...lets face it. That was me 8 months ago and I fucking miss it. I want to drink 12 beers and then eat chili cheese fries and smoke half a pack of cigarettes and not give a shit what its doing to my body. But those days are over.
This morning Bryan was half asleep half awake and Atticus had woken up and was kicking my belly. I made little squeals and groans like I do when he kicks really hard and Bryan scooted closer to me and kissed my forehead and rubbed my belly. We laid there like that for awhile just feeling him kick, Bryan going "Wow" and "Oh man that one must of hurt". I kind of wanted to freeze time and have that moment last forever. It was just so perfect. I was so in love with him and so in love with the baby.
Anyway...moral of the story is I am giving up a lot but I'm getting a family and a new life in return. All signs point to it being worth it.
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