I hate the holiday time. It stresses me out to no end. I love my family but I hate that I come from a split family and that no one else understands how hard it is for me. I’ve come to realize the holidays are an extremely selfish time for almost everyone I know.
I’m trying to be proactive this year. I let everyone know I am staying home for Thanksgiving because I simply don’t want to deal with everyone’s bullshit. Now, of course that isn’t the excuse I actually used. I simply am too busy to make the long drive home this year. If you would like to see me please feel free to come stay with me. Of course no one will come visit and my family will talk behind my back about how I am “too good” to come home and spend time with the family. My feeling will be hurt but this time around I can take it.
Christmas is a whole other ordeal. Typically my mother in law and one of my grandma’s have Christmas Eve. Then my Dad and Stepmom, my mom, and my other grandma all try to claim Christmas day. I’ve been trying for a month for someone to tell me what the plans are this year. I just want to get the day planned and break it to each parent and grandparent when I will and won’t be around. Yet, not a single person can give me an answer.
I brought up to my stepmom that just once, I would love to not have to travel every which way on Christmas Day. I would love if all my parents could get along and we could just enjoy the day together. Her response? “I’ve always wanted to have Christmas just my family. Me and my Kids. But I will never get that.” I keep my mouth shut because I know anything I saw will just add fuel to the fire. Now the issue is about her and she doesn’t care about my thoughts or feelings on the matter. But all I could think was, “Do you even care about my feelings? Do you not realize how stressed I get every Christmas? Do you care that I consider taking a vacation at Christmas time every year so I can avoid this situation?” But of course I say nothing.
All I want is for everyone to realize how challenging Christmas is for me. All I want is for someone to say “Hey, I know how busy your schedule is and how hard you try to fit everyone in. How about we have our Christmas this weekend where you don’t have to rush off and we can really enjoy the entire day.” Once is all i’m asking. Instead, what I will hear are comments such as, “Why do you have to leave you just got here”, “You don’t ever get to spend much time with us”, “Why don’t you want to eat with us?”.
I wish I could stick up for myself to my family… Instead I don’t talk about it because no one gets it. Everyone always makes me feel like i’m in the wrong or I upset them and they freak out. I simply can’t handle people upset with me.
Loading comments...