Today is My Birthday in Packrat

“Birthday”

They say it’s your birthday
It’s my birthday too, yeah
They say it’s your birthday
We’re gonna have a good time
I’m glad it’s your birthday
Happy birthday to you

from “Birthday” by Paul McCartney and John Lennon

Today is my birthday. When I arrived at work today the parking lots were mostly empty as if our offices had closed down for a holiday. Were we closed for my birthday, I wondered, only I didn’t get the memo? haha

I wouldn’t have come in today either but I have to do Wunderkind’s job evaluation. I missed two days this week and the days I was in the office were spent correcting my budget (with “mistakes” by the Excel program that rounded up numbers, knocking off my totals by a dollar here and there so that it “wasn’t the approved budget” from the last fiscal year and even though I’ve already been told when doing the thing to round off my numbers ~sigh~). Had my budget hearing with the elected leaders yesterday in which we talked of the U2 cancellation and the different atmosphere with the newly elected (“Now you hear laughter like that of little children,” one said) - I think there might have been a mention about my budget somewhere in there. The treasurer pointed out the seat at the end of the table as “the hot seat”. “But if I sit at the end of the table,” I said, “I’m going to think I’m running this meeting!”

I’m trying not to feel blue but the U2 concert was my birthday present to myself. They’re playing tonight in San Diego. They performed in Kansas City, with which I am also familiar, and in Phoenix where my cousin lives, but I had a myriad of reasons to pick St. Louis.

I even thought, “Who can I sue?” I sank hundreds of dollars into this trip for ultimately NOTHING except a sad story to tell. The courts knew theirs would be a controversial decision. One news tidbit said the governor already had the National Guard on standby. They knew enough to have the police ready for riot action but not enough to know the concert could be a target and they might need additional forces?

I understand the decision to cancel by U2 and Ed Sheeran; I still think they did the responsible thing, something I don’t believe the judge did in the timing of his announcement.

But then it’s only a concert. I’ve seen U2 three times, and I will again. My mother and Little Brother were with me all the times before; this would have been my first time alone. U2 was a family affair with each of us owning our own DVDs and CDs, with the exception of The Joshua Tree which I have on the original vinyl.

I’m also bummed to hobble around as I do, but on Wednesday I had to pick up papers from the hospital (because the workplace LOST MINE so there was no record of why I had been gone). The staff were amazed to see me walking around the halls, and some didn’t even recognize me. They all gushed that I looked great and several said I made their day. That bolstered me; it felt good to know how excited they were at what I can do because I get so bogged down in what I can’t do, forgetting that I’ve really come a long way. When they knew me I was still coming out of an infection and surgeries, always flat on my back in bed or sitting in a wheelchair. I may not be 100% yet but I am getting there; I can see the finish line.

Since it was day I didn’t get to see the Crush, who works the night shift. Some of us are nocturnal creatures.

I told the intake coordinator that I wanted to come back because in the real world I have to do things for myself!

And of course there are some people who mention “it takes longer to heal when you get older” - like I want to hear that because I don’t feel old (although I joined AARP immediately at 50), but I observed this morning that on my next birthday I’ll “officially be an elder”. Our elders’ benefits start at 55. We call the 55 year olds “baby elders”. A coworker came in my office this afternoon; she’s a month older. She said next year we’ll get to have free lunches and go on the elders’ trips at an age when we’ll “still be babies”.

My mom wants to go to dinner and a movie for my birthday because we haven’t been out like that since December 2016. We haven’t been out like that because everything we do takes an extra effort. I feel blue about that, too - so many who have always celebrated my birthdays with me are no longer here. I don’t need something for my birthdays to feel special, but today it feels like any other day.

Aw, boo hoo, poor poor pitiful me. If I feel a raincloud hovers over my head I should remind myself that the rain provides nourishment for the earth to flourish and for flowers to grow.