I just wrote out a long, unfinished, confusing post about how I felt betrayed by my previous girlfriend and her family. It was so long that no one here would have read it, and it would’ve taken me another hour to finish and even longer to edit down. I’ve saved it so that I can use parts of it in the future, because it is all important to me, but it needs more time put into it.
For now, I’m going to talk about the feeling of betrayal. I’ve now felt betrayed twice in my life. Once was during school. I was never very popular, but I did have a small group of friends, around 6 of us I believe. When we transitioned from primary school to secondary (Or middle school to high school), the “leader” of our little group gained a new friend. This new friend disliked me instantly, I had never even interacted with him, he just didn’t like me.
I missed quite a bit of school, which I think helped cause the situation that happened. One day I came in, and at break everyone just abandoned me. I called them, no response. Text, no response. Same thing at lunch. This happened for a couple of days. Outside of school, if I contacted just one of them they acted like everything was fine. That it was all just a joke and that we’re still friends. But during school, they’d avoid me entirely. Seems I had been replaced.
This is what led to me refusing to go back. Things were never great at school, I was bullied for as long as I can remember. I wasn’t a huge fan of it in general, I didn’t really enjoy learning at the time and it’s not exactly the best thing to be bullied. However, I could deal with those things until I realised I’d have to deal with it alone.
The second time is significantly more complicated, and I’m not sure how I’ll explain it without a 40 paragraph post, so I’ll just say that both my ex and her family made me believe things that were just untrue. They would say one thing, and then I’d later find out it was a complete lie. That the truth was almost, or entirely, the complete opposite of what I was told.
Now, I understand “white lies” as some people call them. That isn’t remotely what these were, these were things that changed what our relationship meant, the odds of it working out, how happy people were. They’re things that if I knew at the time I would have ended things, not even for my sake, but for others.
I’ve come to realise that betrayal is one of the worst feelings I’ve felt. To think that things are going so well, that everyone involved is happy, and then one day having that taken away. To be told that for the last who knows how many months that people have been unhappy, that they haven’t wanted you around. Yet for some reason they’ve acted happy and have said that they do want you around? It’s still confusing to me.
I think from now on I’m going to do my best to be clear with people that I don’t take lies well. If someone lies, I will point it out, tell them that if they don’t feel comfortable telling me the truth that they’re free to say “I’d rather not answer”, but that if they lie again I will be removing myself from the situation and not having any further contact with them.
Of course, sometimes there’s no way to tell, I’m not sure what I can do about that other than hope that it doesn’t happen again. Something I’ll have to think about, maybe someone has some advice when it comes to that. We’ll see.
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