Dear Gods. No one should ever BE as tired as this!! :oO in A New Beginning

I tell you. My job as a lunch lady is a damn KILLER. I thank all the gods that be, that this was a four day week, because if I had to drag my poor tired ass in there again tomorrow, I!! WOULD!! JUST!! DIE!! Yea, yea, I AM exaggerating, and after a night’s sleep I will no longer be tired. But I still want you to know how extremely exhausting this week was. And okay, I’m nearly sixty, but EVERYONE at work, from the thirty-something right on up to the oldest, who’s 63, said the same thing. Oh, the twenty-two year old said it too, but he just doesn’t get it. “It” being, if you’re a spring chicken of 22, just shut up. When the three oldest in your workplace are talking amongst themselves about how much their backs hurt, they do NOT care about the 22 year old who nods and says, “oh I know! My back really hurts too!!” JUST SHUT UP, KIDDO!

My best work friend, Jennifer, had a birthday today. How the heck old is she now? Forty-four. She doesn’t believe me, but forty-four is quite young. ;o) Though mind you, 44, if you are still raising kids (which if you have any kids, you probably still are!) can often feel kinduv old! Because raising kids can drain one’s energy....as much as you love those kids. Also, people often still have financial worries, career concerns, etc. at 44. And sure, some people ARE unlucky enough to have major health problems at 44!! Or even at 22! And there are lots of stresses in the lives of 22-year-olds too! I have been both those ages and it wasn’t always pretty. ;o) I know for a fact that I would NOT EVER want to be 22 again. The sex was great, though! My body was great. But I was a newlywed, and add to that, new to the military life, and those things had some degree of stress. It was exciting, but also much, MUCH to worry about. It was all so very different from anything I’d ever done leading up to it, y’know?

Hmmmmm, 44.....tries like hell to think! Oh, I felt INCREDIBLY young. My kids were not grown & on their own....though actually, I do think that was the year Carrie got married, but Joey was in 8th grade. But they did not need to be struggled with as teenagers. They were great. Our marriage was not perfect. I don’t think ANY marriage or relationship is. But ours wasn’t bad; it just wasn’t great. We did have some problems, PLUS I was doing this weird “finding myself” thing that didn’t seem at all weird, to me anyway, at the time. I was experimenting with a lot of things. Looking back, it was all stuff I needed to do, to learn who I really am, and what it is that I really want from life, value in my life, etc. Oh yea, sex was still great and my body was too.

But to be honest, I wouldn’t want to be 44 again either. It was a lot of work, being that person who was constantly experimenting, constantly “seeking.”

I like being almost-sixty. I have some health issues. My body is not perfect! I don’t even remember when I last had sex. It has been YEARS. But I don’t care. I’m not looking for it! Joe and I wore that out at around the same time. Frankly, I think we literally just did everything there was to do, found it all good, and moved on. OUR MARRIAGE IS THE BEST IT HAS EVER BEEN!! :o) !! We do so many more things TOGETHER now! We have the same interests. This never used to be the case! It’s great!

Sometimes, I do stop and think, “Gee, being realistic, I might not live 20 more years!” I mean, I think the average lifespan is seventy-something isn’t it? I know many people live longer. My sister Sandy is 77 and I’m sure she is going to live MANY more years because she has perfect health. But still. I MIGHT not, or Joe MIGHT not, or both. And it’s ok; it’s just kinda sad, thinking of one day there being no “us,” now that we have finally become so good at it. ;o) I believe very strongly in an afterlife. Not in the Christian version, though. I don’t believe in Hell. I believe there’s a time spent “between,” in which our souls rest, consolidate, receive guidance, and plan their next life. Then we reincarnate. And we probably WILL meet up with many of our loved ones from this life, in the next one, but they won’t be the same people, just as we won’t. But there will likely be some kind of connection....not the same kind that we had in this life....so we can continue learning from each other. But to reiterate: the relationship won’t be the same. Joe will not be my husband; I will not be his wife. And perhaps neither one of us will EVER have the slightest inkling that in a previous life, we WERE husband and wife! Most people don’t. But there might be a tiny idea in one or both of us. I am pretty sure that Joe was actually my mother in a previous life, and I died as a wee baby, and he mourned for me deeply. And that is why I can freely be my child self around him when I feel like being that, and he never even finds that odd. And on one of our first dates he took my hands in his and said, “I feel like you’re a precious treasure I’ve found, and I just want to hold you in my hands and take care of you.”

(continued next morning) Well I was right; after a great sleep, I am not tired! :o) It is so nice not having to rush around this morning! But I do want to post this now, and do my exercises & stuff. :o) And then, off to revel in A DAY OFF!